Disabled Lives Matter: Why Our Healthcare System Must Change Now

I’m not writing this because I want to. I’m writing it because I’m tired of being ignored or put last and because it has to be said.

If you’re disabled, you know what I mean. You ask for something necessary, sometimes even urgent, and you wait. You follow up, you remind them again and you keep chasing the issue. And still, nothing.

It’s not just about delays. It’s about how little people seem to care.

This Isn't Rare.  It's Constant

You can say, “I need this supply to prevent infection.”

You can say, “This medication keeps me out of the hospital.”

You can say, “I’ve already submitted the paperwork or asked for this three times.”

And they’ll nod. They say they’ll take care of it. They say they'll call you back in one or two days.  They'll call it in to the pharmacy or the medical supply vendor.  And then they don’t.

Here’s what that looks like:

•  A patient calls their doctor’s office to renew a prescription for mobility aids. The staff says they’ll send it to your medical supplier by the end of the day. A week later, nothing’s been sent. The patient calls again. Still nothing.

•  Someone with a chronic condition requests a referral to a specialist. The clinic says it’ll be processed within 72 hours. Two weeks pass. No referral. The specialist won’t see them without it.

•  A disabled person needs documentation for insurance to cover essential supplies. They submit the forms. They follow up. They’re told it’s “in progress.” Meanwhile, they’re rationing equipment that’s supposed to be used daily.

This isn’t rare. It’s constant. And when you live with a disability, care isn't optional.  It's survival for you.

Burnout Doesn't Excuse Neglect

People talk about burnout in healthcare. I get it. I really do.

Since COVID-19, doctors have been overwhelmed. Nurses are exhausted. Receptionists and customer care representatives are dealing with angry patients and their family members or caregivers all day long. I understand the pressure and the emotional toll this takes on staff working in hospitals, doctors' offices and clinics.  I also know the system is broken.  I've seen it my whole life.  I've been dealing with it my entire adult life.

But when you’re in a role that affects someone’s life, you don’t get to be indifferent. You don’t get to treat disabled patients, or any patients, like we’re asking for favors. You don’t get to ignore what’s urgent because you’re tired or over it.

Well, guess what? I’m tired too so you're not the only ones!

Tired of chasing down care.

Tired of contacting doctors only to get ignored, delayed or having to repeat myself again and again.

Tired of being forced to advocate for myself because someone “forgot” or “got busy.”

Tired of wondering if I’m being dismissed because I have a disability or just because the system is broken for everyone.

I’ve seen non-disabled people struggle, too. But for disabled patients, the barriers are overabundant, the delays are longer, and the consequences are more dangerous.  Some disabled people get thrown into nursing homes only to get neglected or even die because they didn't get the care that they deserved.

We need more medical professionals who can handle pressure without defaulting to bias. We need better management in clinics that are clearly failing their patients. Because bad management isn’t just bad business.  It’s bad medicine.

When Indifference Becomes Dangerous

I ended up in the hospital and almost died before having emergency surgery done by a surgeon I had just met because my own doctor had no idea why I was having horrible headaches and released me before I had to be transported back to the hospital less than 8 hours later.  During an ER visit, I've been in pain for far too long because they were overwhelmed.  On another occasion, I was pushed out of the ER after only 3-4 hours (including the time spent in the waiting room) because they thought giving me antibiotics was sufficient without doing tests... or even putting in an IV!  As a result, the doctor I followed up with didn't have all the information he needed and had to do his own tests.  Quite often, if you have a disability, they'll pretend to listen, maybe give you a pill just to get rid of you then it's wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!

I realize that giving care to people can be costly so that's how hospitals and clinics prioritize patients.  I was told doctors don't make a lot of money treating disabled people so here we are.  Disabled people are real people.  They have real lives.  Disabled lives do matter!

If you don’t care, you shouldn’t be in the job. If you can’t prioritize what matters, you shouldn’t be making decisions that affect someone’s body. And if you think disabled people should just wait quietly while you get around to it, you’re part of the problem.  Now, let me stress this isn't only about people with disabilities and their healthcare.  My concern includes every person, even one without a disability.  Care should apply to every single person, whether they're disabled or abled, young or old.  

This isn’t about one bad experience. It’s about a pattern.  This is a new culture that treats disabled people like we’re not worth the effort.

I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for basic responsibility, compassion and empathy. I’m asking for people to care enough to do what they said they’d do.  I see this with many people, not just those with disabilities, although with people with disabilities, it's worse because we're "too hard to deal with" or "not worth it."  And if that’s too much, then maybe they shouldn’t be in healthcare at all.  It's sad that doctors feel like they get to choose their patients.  That just makes it harder for patients to get the care they deserve.  All people deserve care equally.  All people have a right to their health.

I get sick and tired of doctors acting like they don't want to be there at work.  It's as if they do it just for the money.  Believe me, "just doing it for the money" isn't good enough to do an adequate job, actually helping people and making a difference.  If you're going to do a job, do it with passion.  Many hospitals, doctors' offices and clinics are so busy focusing on profits that they're not stepping back and looking at the big picture.  I get it.  Money keeps the business going.  It keeps places like hospitals, clinics and medical practices open so they're reliable on insurance companies.  It's good for the economy.  Money makes the world go around.  But what about people?

And I get that the system is broken.  Lots of phone calls, lots of patients and not enough doctors.  People in the healthcare system are exhausted.  Even receptionists and customer care service representatives are tired after having to deal with upset patients and family members all day long!  For me, it's tiring as well because I often have to repeat personal information that's already in the system!  When I'm told I need a prescription from a doctor to start a treatment or even physical therapy, I have to be the one to get it, rather than them getting it themselves and they already have the doctor's phone numbers in their systems!  I also deal with a lot of bureaucratic issues and they're worse when it comes to insurance companies and having access to treatments, as if it's not already more difficult for someone with a disability!  So why stress them out even further when they're already dealing with a disability, a serious illness or a chronic medical condition that no one has found a cure for?  

The elderly and people with disabilities are dying because of barriers that are too much for them.  The biggest issue is bias, prejudice and lack of empathy for all people who come into the doctor's office, a medical clinic or a hospital.  

• Disabled adults are nearly twice as likely to die as nondisabled adults due to delays, dismissals, and lack of access.

• Older adults with disabilities face risks caused by age, chronic illness and just simply systematic negligence and failure.

• Insurance issues, inaccessible clinics, and provider bias make timely care harder to get, and the consequences are fatal.

Sources:

Disability Mortality Disparity: Risk Of Mortality For Disabled Adults Nearly Twice That For Nondisabled Adults, 2008–19

5 Key Facts About Medicaid Eligibility for Seniors and People with Disabilities | KFF

NIH designates people with disabilities as a population with health disparities | National Institutes of Health (NIH)

Accommodations Aren’t Optional

Then there are accommodations.  Sign language interpreters, lowered exam tables so you can transfer in and out of your chair or forms with braille.  Half the time, I see them rolling their eyes or sighing when an accommodation is requested.  That's when I know that so many people in the healthcare industry don't care to bother (fortunately, they do it anyway).  It's great they do it but it's their attitude that tells me a lot.  By law under the "American With Disabilities Act of 1990," health professionals are required to provide accommodations and easier access to healthcare as requested by the patients.  Easy access to healthcare without all the red tapes involved is a human right and that applies to all people of all disabilities and ages.  It should not be difficult to have healthcare for anyone.  

Too many people, especially those with a disability are being left alone, being untreated or even dying because of lack of sufficient care.  This is a system that needs to be fixed.  This is not a glitch.  This is failure.  This is not fine as it is now, and something must be done... NOW.  

The System Pays For Speed, Not Humanity

Ok, let’s be honest:  

The system is built to reward shortcuts for health professionals.  15 minutes with a patient before deciding to do surgery?  You got paid good!  An hour with a patient just talking and discussing symptoms and treatments, no procedures or surgeries?  They dock you.  

Doctors get paid more for procedures than for listening and prescribing you pills.  They’re reimbursed to just talk for a few minutes before deciding to put you under the knife, not planning out long-term care.  That's why doctors don't get paid as much for treating the elderly or disabled people, thanks to our insurances.  This is why Medicaid and Medicare tend to pay less than private insurances.  And if your care takes longer, requires coordination, or involves Medicaid or Medicare, you’re seen as a financial drain.  The reimbursement system expects doctors to just sit for a few minutes before doing something like surgery and moving onto the next patient.  Small talk and cut then move on?  If the system prefers to go with the "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!" method, doctors are happy so they can cook hot meals.  Ramble about lengthy care, coordinate with other doctors and specialists, fill out 10 pages of paperwork and call pharmacies?  You might as well settle with eating cold cans of beans and peanut butter sandwiches!

The way the system works is not just unethical. It’s dangerous.  I was told doctors don’t make much money treating disabled people. And that’s the problem. We’re not seen as worth the time. But we are. We’re people. We have lives. Disabled lives matter.  

I understand doctors are people and must pay the bills to keep the lights on and may opt for speedy care but you have to ask yourself: Am I in the right profession?  Do I really care?  Or am I just looking to get through the day while I wait for my next paycheck?  Until the system is fixed or at least improved, burned out doctors will suffer and so will patients and they also may die.  

I won't blame the doctors or healthcare professionals for our broken healthcare system.  They're there to do their jobs, do what they're told and what they need to do to survive on the job.  The system is the problem, not the people who work in the system.  I know I said earlier that healthcare workers need to stop being indifferent and that sounds contradictory to what I said.  Let me put it this way:  This system sets the stage, but every performer chooses how they play their role.  

It's all because of the bureaucratic hurdles they (and patients) face all the time.  There are plenty to help at least improve the system so there's less suffering:

• Pay doctors based on patient outcomes, not just quantity of services.  

In other words, pay based on quality, not quantity.  Patients can discuss their conditions with their doctors more and tell them their concerns and ask questions, doctors can better coordinate the care between specialists and other physicians and patients can get better preventative care.

• Pay doctors more to actually listen, care and coordinate.  I believe this was discussed plenty earlier. 

• Reduce administrative burden. 

It's easy for doctors to get burned out by non-stop paperwork and there's always prior authorization required by insurances.  If we reduce the prior authorization required by insurances, doctors can do less paperwork and even make less phone calls and doing whatever it takes to get the insurance to pre-authorize treatments or medical equipment without headaches and emotional exhaustion.  Less paperwork and smarter technology can help, too and we're fortunate that AI has gotten really popular.  Although there are flaws in AI or using recordings.

• More specialized services or clinics for complex patients.  

I'm a complex patient.  People with disabilities can require complex care but there are many doctors who don't specialize in areas that take up extra time unless they're passionate about them.  Spina Bifida would be a great example.  Across the country, there are clinics for patients with Spina Bifida but mostly for children.  There aren't enough clinics for adults with Spina Bifida and there aren't enough physicians who understand in depth certain disabilities and how they affect their bodies.  If we had more healthcare professionals who were passionate about people with disabilities or patients who need complex healthcare, less people would have problems navigating the healthcare system in general.  

• More transparency in insurance policies and doctors' intentions.  

Insurance companies are always changing their policies so patients have to take the time to keep up.  They have to start reading the fine prints and know of any hidden exclusions.  Confusions with the insurance companies only causes delayed care and exhaustion.  It took me a long time to finally decide not to use an insurance company for a service I needed because the insurance company had a policy and billing codes that an agency didn't want to follow and an agency I was trying to use was supposed to be the best.  

Then there's the doctor's intentions.  He's passionate about treating heart disease in older people but not in younger people with a disability.  While bios and patient feedback are great, not everything you need to know is there.  He sounds great, caring, very knowledgeable about the urinary system when you read his bio or hear from other patients.  However, once you get there to meet the doctor and he tells you he doesn't work with patients who suffer from a complicated kidney issue, you leave his office and reconsider coming back ever again.  

Empathy Isn't A Luxury.  It's A Skill

You don’t need a higher billing code to say, “I hear you" or a perfect system to treat someone like their life matters.  You just need to show up and do your job that includes genuinely listening and caring.  I get you're not getting paid big bucks doing that but that's the basis of healthcare.  It's not about slicing people up or shoving tubes and instruments in them.

Empathy isn’t just about being nice and caring. It’s about being competent.  It’s not about rolling your eyes or emitting a sigh when someone asks for an accommodation.  It’s about not dismissing disabled patients because we’re “too complicated” or “not profitable.”

Call to Action

• If you’ve lived this and you’ve had to chase down care, explain urgency to people who should already know, or felt invisible in a system that’s supposed to serve you, say something.
• Be proactive, be assertive. You don’t have to be polite. Just be honest.  Disabled lives matter but to so many people, we don't matter.  
• Because silence protects the people who keep failing us. And disabled patients deserve better than being ignored.
• Speak. Write. Push back.
• Reach out to your federal, state and local government to call for a better health care system that actually works for you!  Silence gets you nowhere and it can even be lethal for your life.

And if you work in healthcare: Listen. Care. If you do, fight for your patients.  Or step aside.  You're affecting people in a poor way by staying just because of the money and no care or passion.  Just ask yourself: Why am I a doctor or a medical professional?  Did I really put in 8 years of education and training just to show up at work and pretend to care because I'm tired of all the red tapes and just need the money?  Yes, many complaints you get might seem ridiculous or going too far but that's because those patients are sick and scared.  

I once came across an article of 10 questions that patients often ask their doctors.  Sure, some of them were a bit much but I understood their feelings.  They're scared and worried about their health or their loved ones.  I felt like the doctor who wrote the article was condescending and he was probably over it.  I was tempted to leave a message at the bottom of the page and tell him to get out of the medical field and change careers!  

Celebrating Our Differences: Our Lessons From June

Oh, boy, it's July!  July 5th and it's a hot day!  I had intentions of doing this one earlier, but I suppose the July 4th Holiday excitement was early!   

Well, here we are. June is gone and now it's July! I'll miss June and I'll explain why. June was a special full of important moments. June is a month that reminds me of how amazing it is that everyone is different in their own ways, making our world a colorful place.

June was Pride Month, a time to celebrate and support the LGBTQ+ community. I know it's said that the month was for just the LGBTQ+ community, but I like to think it's about celebrating diversity as well, celebrating diverse people. It was about recognizing all kinds of differences in people whether it came to our skin color, our sexual identities or some other kind of identities or our cultural backgrounds and recognizing how we're all different in our own ways. Accepting the LGBTQ+ community is also about accepting everyone who's different.

It's perplexing how in 2025 today we're still being judged based on our differences. Did a black person choose to be black? Did a person born in America or some other country choose to be born there? Did a person choose to be born with Down's Syndrome? How could we judge them when they didn't even choose how they were born?

How is it fair to judge or hate a person just because they're different from us. Believe me, I bet many people considered changing themselves or who they are because of the hatred they've seen today. But that's not the answer. The answer is just embracing yourself and others. Only control what you can control.

There was also Juneteenth. This was the day on June 19th where we remember the struggles and the victories of African Americans and it's the day for pushing for fairness and equality. It celebrates history that can help us understand and do better today.

Change is difficult for many of us but just trying to change others because we don't like them or can't stand them only leads us to frustration and unmet expectations. If we try to change others, we miss out on self-awareness, our own personal growth and understanding. We miss out on learning about someone and therefore, it's difficult to work with them in the workplace, school and out in the community because we're just full of anger and frustration.

Those emotions can make it difficult to reach both personal and professional goals and experiencing those for a long period of time can cause us chronic stress and I think in today's world, we might have an idea what that chronic stress can do to our bodies! Holding onto the anger and frustration of others causes us to miss out on how wonderful our world really is!

Every June, we recognize that our differences aren't weaknesses, but they are strengths enriching communities, fostering creativity and promoting growth. When I was in college, knew of a person who didn't like someone who was from the LGBT+ community, but they learned a lot about that person and found out many interesting things they didn't know!

I'm happy to say the person continued to live happier and continued to teach others that it's ok to be different, without abandoning their own personal identities. When that person held onto a lot of hatred and anger, their family spent less time with him and his romantic relationship ended abruptly, which drove him into depression for an extended period of time before he realized how much his attitudes affected him personally and professionally.

The important message is simple: love and accept each other, no matter who we are or what makes us different. Hatred and judging others are wrong because no one asks to be born a certain way or to have certain experiences. Everyone deserves kindness and respect, even if they seem different from us.
Let’s learn from each other, celebrate what makes us unique, and work toward a world where everyone feels safe, valued, and accepted. Be true to yourself and encourage others to do the same. Don't change because you are enough! People worry about losing their identities like their belief systems and how their parents raised them, fearing they'll be rejected if they change. Don't fear what you're losing but embrace what you're gaining!

As we go forward, remember what June taught us. Let those lessons guide how we treat others, help us build a more caring and inclusive world, and inspire us to make a positive difference for everyone.

FAQs

• Why is celebrating diversity important?

  Celebrating diversity enriches our lives by exposing us to different perspectives, experiences, and cultures. It fosters empathy, understanding, and creativity, leading to stronger communities and a more inclusive world.

• What can I do to promote acceptance and inclusivity?

  You can start by educating yourself about different cultures and identities, challenging your own biases, and speaking out against prejudice and discrimination. Support organizations that promote equality and inclusivity and actively create spaces where everyone feels welcome and respected.

• How can I be my authentic self?

  Being your authentic self involves understanding and accepting your strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs. Embrace your unique qualities, pursue your passions, and don't be afraid to express yourself honestly and openly.

• What should I do if I witness someone being discriminated against?

  If you feel safe, intervene by speaking up against the discrimination, offering support to the person being targeted, and reporting the incident to the appropriate authorities or organizations. If you don't feel safe intervening directly, find other ways to support the person being targeted and report the incident.

• How can I teach children about diversity and inclusion?

  Start early by exposing children to diverse books, toys, and media. Talk to them about differences in a positive and age-appropriate way and encourage them to interact with people from different backgrounds. Model inclusive behavior and challenge any biased or discriminatory comments or actions they may make.  No one is born hating a person.  Hate is taught.  So is love.  Teach love and acceptance if you wish to raise a compassionate generation.  Raising such a generation frees you from the burden of hatred, conflicts, division and even chronic stress and violence!

Nelson Mandela was arrested because he believed violence was the answer to fighting back apartheid laws.  Once released, he realized that reconciliation and forgiveness was how we can attain a more peaceful society.  It's difficult to change when we feel most vulnerable because it's uncomfortable and sometimes, even risky because of societal norms.  We may feel powerless if we change our beliefs and start being more accepting of others.  Change is a slow process, and we can get to that point once we realize the negative impact of prejudices that actually harms us.  

How about choosing kindness over judgment and love over fear? Every one of us has the power to make a positive difference. That's whether it’s by offering a kind word, standing up for someone who’s being treated unfairly (that's easier said than done sometimes, right? Consider what's really important to you when you answer that) or simply embracing the beautiful diversity that makes our world special. I ask of you now to think about how you can foster more acceptance and understanding in your daily life. Together, we can create a more inclusive, loving community, one small act of kindness at a time.

Words Matter: Choosing Kindness in a Digital World

 

It’s disheartening when reading replies to some posts on social media.  Someone posted a reply regarding Starbucks (not here, but another Facebook page) saying they’ve never been there before.  Someone else said, “Who cares?  They didn’t ask if you’re been there before.  Why would you waste your time posting this?”

I think the real question is, “why am I wasting MY time reading this?”  It’s YOUR time that YOU are wasting.  It was your choice to read it and respond and how you respond is your own choice and responsibility.  An author has a reason for posting what they post.  If they’re happy posting it, they’re not wasting their time.  Maybe they just wanted to contribute and share and there were no rules on how to reply.  I appreciate people's feelings about their right to speak and say what they like but there are those who don't always choose their words carefully and realize how it makes people feel.  It's difficult to care more about people we don't know and how they feel but just because it's a right to say what we like doesn't mean we should say them.  Our words have consequences on real people and even the real world.  Guess what?  The real world affects you!  

Whatever you’re reading on social media, it doesn’t mean you have to care but it also doesn’t mean you have to be rude or inconsiderate.  Whether it’s face-to-face or online through a screen, the people you read comments from are real, no matter how fake social media may seem.

If you find a post or reply that annoys you but isn’t breaking any rules, the best thing to do is to just keep scrolling and move on.  I know there are many inconsiderate people and that’s very unfortunate but our behaviors and attitudes do affect us more than you can imagine.  If we were more considerate and kind to others, more people would be the same for us and the rest of our day can be more positive and peaceful.  What comes around, goes around.  I know all this seems cliched but I think it’s worth repeating over and over again until we see changes.  We appear to be progressing but we’re not quite there yet!  Maybe we’re not supposed to be there yet?  Maybe we’re destined to keep doing this for the rest of our lives so younger generations can learn from us?  In reality, this could go on forever but we have a choice: let this last forever or finally be the change?  Don’t wait for change.  Be the change. 

We are taught the way we behave to an extent.  It’s past time to teach our children and everyone of all ages about kindness and it’s really sad that in 2025 and in the world of social media, we still have to do this.  Empathy, kindness and consideration is both innate and taught in some degrees.  A young child may be selfish because he wants all the toys to himself and not share them with his younger sibling.  So he has to be taught to share even though since birth, he’s had the capacity to be kind.

When it comes to social media, people knows we’re talking to total strangers and that’s very unfortunate we’re talking through screens.  So we just say, “who cares what I learned from my parents?  People can’t see me, I can just say whatever I want!” and we start treating Facebook like a wild playground with absolutely no repercussions because there is clearly no one around making any rules how to treat others!  

Regardless of whether you got a screen in front of you, think about your comments.  Are you being kind?  Is it necessary?  Is it beneficial?  Whose time is really being wasted?  Theirs…. or yours?

Seeking The Truth Amidst The Noise

 

Journalism has changed a lot, especially with the reports regarding the current LA wildfires and the Trump administration's return to the White House. The other day, I turned on the TV expecting updates on the wildfires, as people are suffering and need help. Instead, the news focused on confirmation hearings for Trump's cabinet. I do care about politics, but many people share my frustration and that there’s limited time for news in a half-hour show.  If I want more details, I have to look it up online.

The Information Overload

Reading the newspapers isn’t my cup of tea when it comes to learning about what’s happening out there unless there’s a headline that catches my eye. There are just too many stories, and quite frankly, I don’t like to hold up the whole thing and read so much news at once! I want to know what’s happening quickly, but I also want enough information to comprehend the situation. It’s frustrating because online articles are often clickbait, with catchy headlines that don’t tell me the whole story. After clicking on them, I often regret it because they don’t provide the details I need. Those headlines seem designed to attract clicks, not to inform.

A few years ago, when I went into a store that sells old and unusual things, I found a copy of the "Los Angeles Herald Tribune" published the day after John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire paper was focused on that tragedy: people's reactions, details of that grim day, and the impact on the nation and worldwide. The news was full of facts, whether people wanted to hear them or not. I feel that journalism has changed so much today that we’re not getting those same kinds of detailed, factual stories. It feels like we’re getting more opinions than factual news.  When I read the newspapers, I found myself enjoying the stories from that day and appreciating what went on in people’s minds and feeling the sensation of that tragic day on November 22, 1963. 

The Misinformation Controversy

The rise of social media over the past couple of decades has come with complications. Platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram were created to help us connect with family and friends. That’s why I signed up and that part has worked well, allowing me to reconnect with long-distance relatives and friends. However, these platforms have also become landscapes for misinformation and heated debates. This issue intensified during the Covid-19 pandemic, with campaigns from influencers, anti-vaxx groups, and even some news organizations promoting information debunked by health experts for their own profit. As our feeds fill with ads and disputable claims, it’s easy to forget the original purpose of these platforms.  That is to connect, not divide.

Now, it seems that there’s a constant battle of opinions online. It’s frustrating because, instead of promoting productive conversations, social media often fuels anger and attacks. It's become a place where people argue over everything, especially politics. People seem to think that their opinion is the only right one, and that anyone who disagrees is wrong. This creates a toxic environment where name-calling and personal attacks are the norm.  But what does this accomplish?  Why create such a destructive atmosphere online when we can just use online platforms for sharing ideas, opinions and feelings in more constructive ways?  I get it.  Hot topics do evoke strong feelings for us.  It’s difficult because emotions run high, and we want to be heard and understood but some of us get offended.  How often do we pause to consider our emotional responses before jumping into debates online?   

Gun control?  A lot of people have different ways of approaching it.  Abortion?  Many people have different stances on this, too.  Some of us feel like we need more guns, less guns, tighter laws on immigration, more lenient procedures for letting people in America, more governmental control and less of it.  It’s ok, none of us have to agree on everything.  If we did, we wouldn’t be able to think critically and grow as a society.  After a while, we’d get bored and have nothing left to talk about! 

Bridging The Partisan Divide

I witnessed a thread of posts on Facebook after I posted about my experience as a person with a disability.  I posted that people would ask me if I needed help when I was doing nothing while waiting for something.  My response to them was, “with what?”  They just saw my wheelchair and assumed I needed help.  Anyway, that post generated a lot of responses included a thread of…. a flame war, I guess you could say?  It turned out it was a lot of misunderstanding, so it took some clarifying and understanding for some time and all parties involved began to find peace with each other when they had one purpose: to understand each other, not hate or offend

News media platforms have also changed their focus. It feels like they serve their own particular audiences than providing unbiased reporting.  This only seems to divide America even further. The media gives the public what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear, which might explain why partisan attitudes have become so extreme.  They aren’t exactly like our parents when we were kids where we were told things we needed to hear but didn’t want to!  Sound familiar?

 

Beyond The Bubble: The Echo Chamber Effect

In the 1990s, we learned that truth and accuracy were essential in journalism. Opinions were allowed, but guidelines protected against slander and ensured integrity of journalism…. and kept student journalists out of trouble! Today, while journalists can share their opinions thanks to Freedom of the Press, some feel this has become excessive. Many still rely on the news for the truth, but what happens when it's filled with personal viewpoints instead of facts? I’m not claiming the news is all lies (depends on who you ask, really) but it's not like 1963, when events were reported as they occurred. Today, we have fact checkers to verify reports, yet many readers ignore them due to distrust, confirmation bias, emotions, belief systems, and misinformation campaigns.

I also find myself trying to be open-minded, listening to different perspectives, although like any human, I’ll slip and forget that it’s not my opinion but someone else’s. It’s important to engage in critical thinking, as it would allow us to better assess information we hear or read about. A lack of critical thinking could contribute to the pervasion of narratives that may not benefit our society.

Now, regarding the TV coverage, I understand why the confirmation hearings were covered instead of the wildfires. Yes, Trump is about to take office again, so the hearings seemed urgent. But it doesn’t mean we should overlook other significant events, like the fires that were affecting real people’s lives. Maybe viewers were tired of hearing about the disasters, or perhaps it felt overwhelming to think about them, which can lead to apathy. But the media’s role is to inform us, to provide resources, and to help communities come together, especially in times of crisis.

When I watch the news, it’s difficult but I try to remind myself that it isn’t just "bad news." It can inspire us to help others and to come together as a community. I believe we really need that kind of perspective, especially now with the contentious inauguration of Donald Trump, the LA wildfires and the recent passing of President Jimmy Carter. If we open our eyes and minds, we can work toward a better future.

From Division To Dialogue: The Power of Human Connection

A divided country and community won't get us anywhere except for more division, anger, hatred and violence. The media should focus on stories that unite us and offer new viewpoints rather than dwelling only on commentary that can potentially alienate us from one another. During my journalism classes, we often discussed human interest stories and how much they matter, but they also emphasized the need for factual reporting.

In light of the ongoing controversies and while it’s okay to voice opinions, I wish we could find common ground instead of allowing those opinions to tear us apart. With respect and open-mindedness, we can engage in constructive conversation rather than descending into argument and conflict.

We might lose people along the way, but if they can't appreciate constructive conversations, were they ever really on our side? Our goal is to create a new community: a space where we listen, share, and work together for a better world, embracing our differences to foster growth. We can start by opening our minds and hearts, doing our own research, and learning to appreciate the world more. The key is creating an environment where we can discuss ideas comfortably and safely, without judgment or bias, where we listen, make ourselves heard, and keep our emotions in check. If we need to express our feelings, we should channel them productively by seeking clarification (ask questions, not accuse!) and finding common ground.

We are capable of coming together respectfully. Journalism may have changed, but it doesn’t have to be our enemy. We can still strive to cultivate awareness, empathy, and understanding, creating an atmosphere that encourages healthier discussions and actions to improve our well-beings. Let's aim for that from this day forward, no matter what circumstances hit us.

John F. Kennedy has said, "Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed—and no republic can survive."

Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities

The word, "Neurodiversity" isn't in our everyday vocabulary, is it?  I don't hear it so often but once I knew what it meant, it probably became one of my favorite words recently.  Neurodiversity is the viewpoint or perception that our ways of thinking are normal, not strange, unusual or a subject of irregularity.  We all think differently about things, people and different topics in life.  Yet, we hear each other saying what they think and we think that they're wrong or they're doing something wrong or we think our opinions are better than others.  We think we know better than others.  We think we know what others need or want.  In life, we think there's always a right or wrong answer.  

When it comes to having a disability, it's so easy for people to think they know what people with disabilities want or need so they decide for us what it is.  They think they know what we're capable of and not capable of.  They think they know what we're thinking and what we're feeling.  They believe they got it all figured out!  People see us sitting down in wheelchairs, using sign language, using a cane while walking or having difficulties with picking up a spoon while eating. Suddenly, we're invalids.  Then people see a person in a wheelchair going up a hill or putting their wheelchair in the backseat of the car and say, "Whoops!  Somebody in a wheelchair needs help.  Gotta go!" then run over and start helping them but without permission from the person who is in the wheelchair.  That person "helping" thinks the person with the wheelchair is so incompetent that they don't have the ability to do things on their own, not even ask for help.  So they think they need to go over there and start helping.  

People with disabilities do not need help with everything and may not need as much help as we think.  When someone sees a person with a disability, people think it's their jobs to help or do things for them, speak up for them or tell them something that's very obvious (you just finished frying eggs and then say, "be careful around the stove, it's still hot."  Well, duh!  Like we don't know stoves are hot for a while after being used recently like we all learned in Kindergarten!).  

I have multiple disabilities and I experience this a lot.  I get told the obvious things a lot as if I'm blind (I'm not) or incompetent (not that, either!).  Because of stereotypes and because some people don't have disabilities, some of those who live without disabilities do not understand that those who live with a disability think as themselves as people and don't let their disabilities define them.  I never let mine define me.  I go on living my life, enjoying it without worrying so much about what I can't do.  I focus on what I CAN do!  Unfortunately, I've been confronted by people who only focus on what I can't do and that I can't think, rather than what I can do and that I have the ability to think and process information.

This happens because of stereotypes or comments about people with disabilities and people believe them.  Read up on the other part of this blog debunking 10 stereotypes and misconceptions about individuals with various disabilities.

Challenging Stereotypes and Embracing Neurodiversity

Click on photo to enlarge and read the captions.

Instead of embracing stereotypes, embrace neurodiversity.  People with and without disabilities aren't always going to do what you expected and that's ok!  Because of the stereotypes about people with disabilities, some people assume they know how their minds work and they believe they know what people with disabilities need or want and they think they know better.

So they go ahead and push a person in a wheelchair up the ramp because they believe people in wheelchairs are weak and don't know how to ask for help or didn't think to, they shout at deaf people because they believe deaf people will hear them and not be annoyed by the yelling and they point out the most obvious thing or direct them to do things to people with learning disabilities because they believe people with learning or intellectual disabilities are stupid, slow or confused.  

While it may be true that people with learning or intellectual disabilities process information differently, it doesn't mean they're incompetent because they're doing something unexpected or they weren't doing what was expected.  For example, when I'm out in public with people and I happen to be looking at something interesting while everyone else is ready to move on, I get singled out and told "come on, let's go" when there is someone else in the group who have done the same thing but didn't get told to get a move on.  It's like they think I'm not paying attention to the rest of the group or my surroundings or I'm not allowed to take an extra minute to appreciate something that interests me or just take my time.  

Thanks to the stereotypes, people think if someone like me make mistakes, do something risky or do or say something unexpected, it's automatically because of our disability.  So someone will feel the need to correct or "fix" them or even help them without permission.  We're not broken!  People with disabilities, whether they're deaf, blind, in wheelchairs or mentally challenged, are not broken people that require correction or being fixed.  Being a person with a disability just means they're different and they do things differently and that's not a bad thing.  People could learn something new from people like me like empathy, patient, keeping an open mind and letting go of control over how people act or think.

Celebrating Neurodiversity!

Neurodiversity is all about people thinking differently from each other without being accused of having a defect or disorder.  It's about letting go of control over how people act or behave and just worrying about how you react to those who think or act differently from you.  It's also about letting go of societal norms.  The world is changing all the time and many people have difficulties adjusting to the change, trying to hold onto the societal norms, even stereotypes because so many people don't know how to respond to something that's so different to them.  

While neurodiversity focuses primarily on neurological differences and addresses those with autism and ADHD and mental conditions, for example, neurodiversity can be applied to other aspects of diversity like minority groups and certain communities such as people with non-cognitive disabilities, black people, the LGBTQ community and socioeconomic individuals.  

Because we all come from different backgrounds, cultures and have various beliefs and values and even different brains and bodies, we all think differently and that's ok!  It's ok to not have the same beliefs, opinions or values.  That's the beauty of cultivating compassion and empathy!  We don't have to agree on the same things and we can just drop our egos and agree to disagree in order to be more civil and compassionate with others.  We can even learn from each other and ask  how we make our own choices instead of making assumptions.  By making assumptions, you're closing the doors to learning something new, forming new beliefs and relationships that may be beneficial for you.  

By learning about others and their actions, we become more empathic, patient, non-judgmental and loving to others.  Eventually, we'll live happier lives without barriers.  No more of others telling us what to do, what to say, how to do something, we become more educated when we communicate with each other and learn why we do what we do, have more access to other communities, workplaces, education and healthcare and we have less misunderstanding, misjudgments, inequality, tension and social conflicts with our loved ones, peers, colleagues and everyone else in all our communities.  

Note: This is an important blog and I thank everyone for reading.  Please let me know what you think in the comment section and if you liked this blog or it resonates with you, please feel free to share and comment!

Debunking 10 Stereotypes and Misconceptions About People With Disabilities

Smash Those Stereotypes!

This is part of an original blog, "Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities".

1.  "People in wheelchairs always need help with things and need others to think or do things for them."

Yes, I might need help with things but it's not okay to assume I always need help.  Ask me first if I need help.  If I say, "no, thank you," respect that and walk away, even if it looks like I need help or someone else tells you I need help.  I'm the only person who knows what I'm capable of as I'm the only person holding my brain in my head and I'm the only person who has access to the information that my brain is giving me.  We can't read each other's minds.  I do not want others to think or do things for me or assume that I'm not capable of thinking or doing more things than you think.  That's pretty insulting and it undermines my capabilities as a person with a disability.  

In college, I would carry my trays in the cafeteria, which I'm capable of doing on my own.  The workers saw me, assumed I needed help and would start taking my tray over to a table without my permission.  I'd keep saying, "no, thank you" and explain I'm capable of carrying my own trays.  I kept doing this to different workers and I finally got fed up and complained to the manager.  The manager caught a worker trying to help again and the manager told him to stop.  The worker just argued, "but she can't push herself while carrying the tray!"  He wasn't keeping an open mind by seeing that it is possible and he assumed I was incapable of asking for help.  By the way, I'm happy to report that I never dropped a tray once!    

It's great that you want to help people and be polite.  It's ok to open doors for people or pick something up for someone when they drop it.  It's just not okay to assume people can't do certain things because of their disabilities or assume they're incapable of seeking assistance.  People with disabilities deserve respect and dignity and to be treated like you.  Treat them like you want to be treated.

2.  "Wow! I didn't know a person in a wheelchair could push themselves around all day, they must have strong arms!"

My arms are like anyone's legs that can move and walk themselves.  Do you tell someone you're impressed when you see them walking around with their legs all day as if seeing them walk around is new?  So next time you want to tell me how impressed you are for pushing around in my chair all day, stop yourself and just change the subject or don't say anything. 

3.  "People with disabilities need/want pity and are non-sexual, incapable of any loving relationships."

I actually pity those who think I need or want pity.  People with disabilities do many things most people do but differently.  Even people without disabilities do things differently!  We don't need or want your pity.

If you find a person with a disability who is still a virgin or isn't in a relationship, it's very likely it was their choice, not because they're incapable of having a loving relationship.  There are well-known people with disabilities who have married and/or have children.  Blind singer Stevie Wonder has been married 3 times and have 9 kids.  Sylvester Stallone has a speech impediment but he also married 3 times and fathered 5 children.  Tom Cruise has dyslexia but married 3 times and has 3 children.  Deaf actress Marlee Matlin has been married for about 30 years and has 4 children.

4.  "People who are disabled are weak and sick and need us to protect them from everything."

People with disabilities are often perceived as weak or in constant need of protection.  With health issues we face, many lead fulfilling lives like living with families and spending time with people, working, driving and studying independently.  The misconception that we require excessive protection can undermine our autonomy.

Respecting individuals with disabilities means acknowledging their choices and allowing them the freedom to make informed decisions, even if they may be poor decisions.  Like anyone else, we have the right to make mistakes and learn from them, unless we're medically or legally declared incompetent.  It's unfair to treat us differently in this regard.  Treating us differently like this just takes away our independence, freedom, choices, autonomy and humanness.  That's more than enough for us as the world already does this with discrimination and inequality.

Excessive protection, even if well-intended, can lead to resentment, estrangement and hinder healthy dynamics between families and other loved ones.  Practicing self-control and respecting our autonomy is crucial.  Instead of making assumptions, try to understand the reasons behind our choices.  Embrace neurodiversity!

Everyone makes mistakes and even people with disabilities are allowed that.  The only exception is if they're declared incompetent.  It is imperative to kind in mind that a disability does not define a person's competence or ability to learn from their mistakes.  Making mistakes is a normal part of life and learning and it applies to every human being, regardless of their abilities and disabilities.  People with and without disabilities need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.  Rather than overprotect, foster an environment with open communication and understanding.  Encourage civilized conversations and find common ground for decision-making.  Nobody is perfect, and empathy does go a long way.

Kind in mind that people without disabilities also make poor decisions like eating nothing but junk, overspending on entertainment and luxuries, speeding over the limit on the road and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day and they're allowed as well.  When was the last time you went through a few months without making mistakes or making poor decisions?  Before judging anyone, ask yourself if you're perfect.

5.  "People with disabilities cannot work."

Because of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, people cannot be discriminated from working because of a disability.  Employers are required by law to make reasonable accommodations so that a person with a disability is able to work.  If an employee is able to work with those accommodations, they can work.

6.  "Deaf people cannot drive."

I suppose this is the reason why some people think it's okay mess with their phone, the map, radio or something else while driving.  They can hear so why watch the road, right?  All they got to do is listen for someone else to blow their horns and everything's cool, right?  Wrong!  First of all, this is not to say you should not use your hearing or even depend on it when you're driving.  Everyone should use all their senses to protect themselves and that includes being on the road.  

When you lose one of your senses, your other senses are enhanced.  For example, deaf people tend to have better peripheral vision.  Deaf people obviously cannot use their ears so they must be more alert when watching the road, using their eyes.  In other words, deaf people pay more attention to the road and their surroundings visually and are less distracted when driving.  Hard to believe?  Find out here!

7.  "All deaf people need you to shout so they can hear you."

I cannot tell you how annoying this is!  First of all, no, deaf people do not need you to shout.  In fact, it is not advisable for you to raise your voice loudly at a deaf person when talking to them.  For anyone who can hear at all, you shouldn't be yelling at them because it's annoying.  I know this because while I have a hearing loss, I hear enough that I can tell when you're screaming at me and it's annoying!  If the person is profoundly deaf, it won't help and you're just straining your voice for nothing.  

When speaking to someone like me, speak clearly and not too quickly.  If I need clarification or don't understand something, I'll tell you.  Shouting won't help.  Some deaf/hard of hearing individuals can hear well but struggle with understanding what people are saying.  I can hear people's voices but I can't always understand the words, making it feel like someone is speaking in another language.  So when talking to a deaf/hard of hearing person, speak normally and clearly, avoid moving around when talking, maintain eye contact and minimize background noise.  

Oh, and a pet peeve of mine?  When I'm trying to have a conversation with someone with a sign language interpreter present and the person turns to the interpreter and says to them, "tell her...."  When you do this, you're engaging with the interpreter and not including me in the conversation.  That's just rude and insulting, just like it's rude to talk to only the person accompanying the person in a wheelchair when you're actually dealing with the person in the wheelchair.  It makes it seem like the person who is deaf or in the wheelchair is invisible and when it happens to me, I feel like you're not interested in engaging with me.

8.  "People with learning disabilities cannot learn how to drive."

Learning how to drive requires physical and mental skills, good reflexes and multitasking and the ability to drive without so much fear and anxiety.  People with learning disabilities may struggle with multitasking, focusing on the road and processing information at a quicker rate.  Quick response time is crucial while driving.  Learning disabilities vary, with some people have difficulties with reading while being great problem solvers while some other have trouble with math but do great with reading and writing.  Having a learning disability doesn't mean you're dumb or slow as a person.  It just means the brain processes information differently.  

This is why conversations with many people involved is difficult for some with learning disabilities, combined with another disability like being deaf.  Once Person A is done talking and if Person B starts talking right away, I'm still processing what Person A's point is.  This is often a struggle when it's a group of people I'm involved in.  Then there's overlapping conversations as well and it's hard to extract what one person is saying and process it when there's a lot of background noise or conversations going on.  It's like going into a very crowded place and trying to catch and keep up with one person's comments.

Fortunately, there are many ways to help improve understanding, memory and reflexes etc.. so people with learning disabilities can still learn how to drive.

9.  "People with learning disabilities need us to explain everything in minor specific details and they need us to point out everything to them like they're 5 years old."

While it's important to break down complex information for better understanding, it is not acceptable to patronize individuals with learning disabilities by treating them like children or assuming their incapability to grasp concepts.  Well-intended loved ones, guardians and peers should refrain from constantly stating the obvious ("It's gray and cloudy, think it's time to come inside as it may rain!") or explaining things as if they're addressing a child.  People with learning disabilities often possess common knowledge, just like people without learning disabilities such as a hot stove or interpreting gray, cloudy skies as potential rain.  

It's okay to warn people of danger not obvious to most people but if it's common knowledge, such a warning or pointing out conspicuous things like a hot stove or cloudy skies is really unnecessary and it can be off-putting.  By respecting them as adults (unless they're actually children) and acknowledging their abilities, individuals with learning disabilities will feel more valued and appreciated.

I personally find it condescending when someone tells me something or how to act in a way as if I'm incompetent or naive.  That is especially when I'm the only one who gets this treatment while everyone else in the room gets to do whatever they please.  I've been told what to post or not post on social media and the same with texting when no one else has because they assumed my disabilities caused me to know nothing about social etiquette, especially with netiquette in today's world and that's hurtful.  It's disheartening that people want to control what people with disabilities do because they think they can.  And to think this happens to me while almost everyone else without disabilities are still messing with their phones while at the table during mealtimes or during quality time with others.

Another situation I'd find annoying is when I'm out with a group of people and I'm taking a moment to savor something interesting to me but the rest of the group is ready to get a move on and they tell me, "come on, let's go" as if I'm not allowed to savor or I'm not paying attention to the group.  Maybe they assumed I wasn't paying attention and that may be the case but it's obviously relevant to my disability.  This would happen when another person who doesn't have a disability is also being behind but it's ok with the rest of the group for that person to savor the moment or not pay attention.  When I'm not doing something as expected, it's automatically assumed it's because I have a disability and it's quite dehumanizing.   

I might make mistakes but I'm not perfect.  Neither is anyone who doesn't have a disability.  I do wish people who treat me in such a way would look at the mirror and ask themselves, "are you perfect?" and also slow down, stop and ask themselves why they they treat me the way they do.  Would they treat me this way if I didn't have a disability?  Highly doubtful.  Because of my disabilities, some people make assumptions about me, often even before I do or say anything and that is not a good feeling at all.  

10.  "People with disabilities, regardless of what kind of disabilities, cannot live independently."

Living independently doesn't come easily for anyone but for people with any disabilities, it is a real challenge.  While most people with disabilities can't do everything a lot of people without disabilities can, living independently is possible.  When you have a disability, it does affect some of the things you're capable or not capable of doing.  There are a lot of people with disabilities who do not have jobs so they need a way to live financially.  People in wheelchairs need a way to get around town to buy groceries, get medication or money from the bank and other essentials but they don't drive.  Without the help of assistive devices, deaf people can't know when their phone is ringing or someone is at the door.  There are many services provided by the local/state government in America and independent living centers around the country that can help people with disabilities have access to public transportation, assistive technology, employment, healthcare and personal assistance. 

If you wish to refer back to the original blog, please click/tap here.

No New Year's Resolutions for 2024? Continue Old Resolutions!

 As another year of 2023 comes to an end, we often find ourselves settle into the same old mindset that we should new year's resolutions for the coming year.  We reflect the past year and we ponder on what goals we haven't met and what goals we need to fulfill for the next year in order to commit to a new fresh start in our lives.  However... why not try another approach?  How about exploring the idea of continuing our goals as our new year's resolution while just enjoying life, progressing at our own pace and ultimately, embracing the imperfection that makes us humans?  Tried to quit smoking this past year but failed?  Keep doing it in 2024!  Tried to lose weight last January 2023 only to fall off the wagon after 6 weeks before giving up for the whole year?  Try again in 2024!  

Life itself is a journey.  We are a work in progress.  It's not a race!  We don't have to finish college by 25.  We don't have to get married and raise a family of 3 kids by 45.  Some of us reach at 50 and still aren't sure what we're doing with our lives!  I used to think you had to finish high school, go to college, wait til after college to get married and have 2.5 kids with a dog and a nice house surrounded by a picket fence and settle into our careers without changing.  Now I realized there's no hurry at all.  There's no hurry to pick a career if you're not sure what you want to do, to get married and have kids or to even complete a bucket list!  Most of the time, we never even do every single thing on our bucket list and we may end up on our deathbeds someday thinking how we should've done something or gone someplace but we didn't.

Whatever you think, it's ok to not complete everything you've ever wanted to do.  It's ok to fail, make mistakes and fall of the wagon.  We can't be perfect.  Being perfect is just being unrealistic and it's unattainable!  We weren't created to be perfect!  If we were trying to be perfect, how are we supposed to  grow, learn and become self-compassionate?  Embracing our need to be perfect only brings on stress and undermines our self-confidence.  We are all flawed beings and setbacks are a natural part of any pathway towards personal development and self-improvement.  So when those setbacks happen, don't stop for the rest of the year and give up.  Cut yourself some slack, remind yourself you're human and you weren't meant to be perfect and after you've taken a breather, try again when you're mentally and emotionally ready.  Focus on the joy of progress, let go of high expectations and set mini-goals, instead of big goals.

Source: BK on Flickr 
Photo by cocoparisienne

Instead of feeling the pressure of starting anew each year, give yourself permission to grace yourself with progress in your goals and your own life's purposes that are significant to you.  You don't have to start a new goal then if you don't reach it in 2025, don't stop and just say, "Welp!  I didn't reach my goals or resolutions I promised to make for myself last New Year so I guess it wasn't meant to be and I might as well quit and pick another resolution that's easier!"  If losing weight, finding the love of your life, giving up cigarettes or traveling to Europe for the first time ever is that important to you, then go for it!  So you didn't make it to Europe, lose 70 lbs or find the right guy in 2023.  Keep trying in 2024!  If no luck, try again in 2025!  Yes, some of us won't be here in 2025 but at least we had lives filled with joy, love and lessons we did learn and teach others so those who are still on Earth can finish what we began.

Thanks to what we were taught as children, our history and societal norms, we are so fixated on setting resolutions and achieving goals that we forget to pause and appreciate the present moment.  Instead of consuming ourselves with the need to accomplish new objectives, we should be cultivating the mindset that allows us to savor life's journey every moment as we can.  If we can do that, we can celebrate the smallest things like small victories, our growth and we can become more content.  By doing so, we enjoy each minute of reaching our goals and if we find a way to enjoy them, it will be easier to reach those goals without so much stress and complaining about how difficult it is in whatever we choose to do.  

I'm not saying we should let go of things that need to be done or deadlines that must be met in our careers or at school.  While we're still living, we definitely should be reaching goals and finding our purposes but at the same time, enjoy the journey of doing those and finding a balance between personal goals, pursuing careers, savoring each aspect of life's beauty and nurturing relationships with others.  By cultivating a balance, you can live a lifestyle that is both smooth and fulfilling.  We can then feel less stressed and enjoy fulfilling our New Year's resolutions.

10 years ago, I went through a major event that changed my perspectives about goals, purposes and living life in general.  I used to take things for granted but I don't anymore and there have been things I wish I had done before now but I realize that while it's true that life is short, I believe in taking my time and enjoying the journey in reaching my goals, finding my purpose and whatever else I am meant to stay on this Earth for.  It's hard to start our goals into a new year but once we start, it's easier to get the ball rolling!

So in conclusion, let this new year be an acknowledgement of self-acceptance and continuous personal growth instead of an obligation to redefine ourselves with goals that may be filled with nothing but struggles and aggravation.  Life is about embracing imperfection and the small things.  I'll just bullet-point some things for you clearly:

• Let go of expectations based on what you were taught and societal norms.  Life changes all the time, whether we can control it or not.
• Instead of reaching big goals, reach mini-goals
• Be realistic
• Find new ways to enjoy the moment and take your time
• Be conscious that you may not finish everything.  Just know you did your best and you are a work in progress!  It is ok to pass the torch and let someone after you finish something.  Steve Jobs was the reason why Apple Inc. become successful but after he passed away, Tim Cook took the company to higher levels by introducing new products like AirPods and Apple Watches.  Walt Disney founded the Walt Disney Company and brightened up our entertainment industry with animations and theme parks.  However, in 2005, Bob Iger advanced this success with the addition of modern and advanced ideas like Pixar and Marvel.