Smash Those Stereotypes!
This is part of an original blog, "Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities".
1. "People in wheelchairs always need help with things and need others to think or do things for them."
Yes, I might need help with things but it's not okay to assume I always need help. Ask me first if I need help. If I say, "no, thank you," respect that and walk away, even if it looks like I need help or someone else tells you I need help. I'm the only person who knows what I'm capable of as I'm the only person holding my brain in my head and I'm the only person who has access to the information that my brain is giving me. We can't read each other's minds. I do not want others to think or do things for me or assume that I'm not capable of thinking or doing more things than you think. That's pretty insulting and it undermines my capabilities as a person with a disability.
In college, I would carry my trays in the cafeteria, which I'm capable of doing on my own. The workers saw me, assumed I needed help and would start taking my tray over to a table without my permission. I'd keep saying, "no, thank you" and explain I'm capable of carrying my own trays. I kept doing this to different workers and I finally got fed up and complained to the manager. The manager caught a worker trying to help again and the manager told him to stop. The worker just argued, "but she can't push herself while carrying the tray!" He wasn't keeping an open mind by seeing that it is possible and he assumed I was incapable of asking for help. By the way, I'm happy to report that I never dropped a tray once!
It's great that you want to help people and be polite. It's ok to open doors for people or pick something up for someone when they drop it. It's just not okay to assume people can't do certain things because of their disabilities or assume they're incapable of seeking assistance. People with disabilities deserve respect and dignity and to be treated like you. Treat them like you want to be treated.
2. "Wow! I didn't know a person in a wheelchair could push themselves around all day, they must have strong arms!"
My arms are like anyone's legs that can move and walk themselves. Do you tell someone you're impressed when you see them walking around with their legs all day as if seeing them walk around is new? So next time you want to tell me how impressed you are for pushing around in my chair all day, stop yourself and just change the subject or don't say anything.
3. "People with disabilities need/want pity and are non-sexual, incapable of any loving relationships."
I actually pity those who think I need or want pity. People with disabilities do many things most people do but differently. Even people without disabilities do things differently! We don't need or want your pity.
If you find a person with a disability who is still a virgin or isn't in a relationship, it's very likely it was their choice, not because they're incapable of having a loving relationship. There are well-known people with disabilities who have married and/or have children. Blind singer Stevie Wonder has been married 3 times and have 9 kids. Sylvester Stallone has a speech impediment but he also married 3 times and fathered 5 children. Tom Cruise has dyslexia but married 3 times and has 3 children. Deaf actress Marlee Matlin has been married for about 30 years and has 4 children.
4. "People who are disabled are weak and sick and need us to protect them from everything."
5. "People with disabilities cannot work."
Because of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, people cannot be discriminated from working because of a disability. Employers are required by law to make reasonable accommodations so that a person with a disability is able to work. If an employee is able to work with those accommodations, they can work.
6. "Deaf people cannot drive."
I suppose this is the reason why some people think it's okay mess with their phone, the map, radio or something else while driving. They can hear so why watch the road, right? All they got to do is listen for someone else to blow their horns and everything's cool, right? Wrong! First of all, this is not to say you should not use your hearing or even depend on it when you're driving. Everyone should use all their senses to protect themselves and that includes being on the road.
When you lose one of your senses, your other senses are enhanced. For example, deaf people tend to have better peripheral vision. Deaf people obviously cannot use their ears so they must be more alert when watching the road, using their eyes. In other words, deaf people pay more attention to the road and their surroundings visually and are less distracted when driving. Hard to believe? Find out here!
7. "All deaf people need you to shout so they can hear you."
I cannot tell you how annoying this is! First of all, no, deaf people do not need you to shout. In fact, it is not advisable for you to raise your voice loudly at a deaf person when talking to them. For anyone who can hear at all, you shouldn't be yelling at them because it's annoying. I know this because while I have a hearing loss, I hear enough that I can tell when you're screaming at me and it's annoying! If the person is profoundly deaf, it won't help and you're just straining your voice for nothing.
When speaking to someone like me, speak clearly and not too quickly. If I need clarification or don't understand something, I'll tell you. Shouting won't help. Some deaf/hard of hearing individuals can hear well but struggle with understanding what people are saying. I can hear people's voices but I can't always understand the words, making it feel like someone is speaking in another language. So when talking to a deaf/hard of hearing person, speak normally and clearly, avoid moving around when talking, maintain eye contact and minimize background noise.
Oh, and a pet peeve of mine? When I'm trying to have a conversation with someone with a sign language interpreter present and the person turns to the interpreter and says to them, "tell her...." When you do this, you're engaging with the interpreter and not including me in the conversation. That's just rude and insulting, just like it's rude to talk to only the person accompanying the person in a wheelchair when you're actually dealing with the person in the wheelchair. It makes it seem like the person who is deaf or in the wheelchair is invisible and when it happens to me, I feel like you're not interested in engaging with me.
8. "People with learning disabilities cannot learn how to drive."
Learning how to drive requires physical and mental skills, good reflexes and multitasking and the ability to drive without so much fear and anxiety. People with learning disabilities may struggle with multitasking, focusing on the road and processing information at a quicker rate. Quick response time is crucial while driving. Learning disabilities vary, with some people have difficulties with reading while being great problem solvers while some other have trouble with math but do great with reading and writing. Having a learning disability doesn't mean you're dumb or slow as a person. It just means the brain processes information differently.
This is why conversations with many people involved is difficult for some with learning disabilities, combined with another disability like being deaf. Once Person A is done talking and if Person B starts talking right away, I'm still processing what Person A's point is. This is often a struggle when it's a group of people I'm involved in. Then there's overlapping conversations as well and it's hard to extract what one person is saying and process it when there's a lot of background noise or conversations going on. It's like going into a very crowded place and trying to catch and keep up with one person's comments.
Fortunately, there are many ways to help improve understanding, memory and reflexes etc.. so people with learning disabilities can still learn how to drive.
9. "People with learning disabilities need us to explain everything in minor specific details and they need us to point out everything to them like they're 5 years old."
While it's important to break down complex information for better understanding, it is not acceptable to patronize individuals with learning disabilities by treating them like children or assuming their incapability to grasp concepts. Well-intended loved ones, guardians and peers should refrain from constantly stating the obvious ("It's gray and cloudy, think it's time to come inside as it may rain!") or explaining things as if they're addressing a child. People with learning disabilities often possess common knowledge, just like people without learning disabilities such as a hot stove or interpreting gray, cloudy skies as potential rain.
It's okay to warn people of danger not obvious to most people but if it's common knowledge, such a warning or pointing out conspicuous things like a hot stove or cloudy skies is really unnecessary and it can be off-putting. By respecting them as adults (unless they're actually children) and acknowledging their abilities, individuals with learning disabilities will feel more valued and appreciated.
I personally find it condescending when someone tells me something or how to act in a way as if I'm incompetent or naive. That is especially when I'm the only one who gets this treatment while everyone else in the room gets to do whatever they please. I've been told what to post or not post on social media and the same with texting when no one else has because they assumed my disabilities caused me to know nothing about social etiquette, especially with netiquette in today's world and that's hurtful. It's disheartening that people want to control what people with disabilities do because they think they can. And to think this happens to me while almost everyone else without disabilities are still messing with their phones while at the table during mealtimes or during quality time with others.
Another situation I'd find annoying is when I'm out with a group of people and I'm taking a moment to savor something interesting to me but the rest of the group is ready to get a move on and they tell me, "come on, let's go" as if I'm not allowed to savor or I'm not paying attention to the group. Maybe they assumed I wasn't paying attention and that may be the case but it's obviously relevant to my disability. This would happen when another person who doesn't have a disability is also being behind but it's ok with the rest of the group for that person to savor the moment or not pay attention. When I'm not doing something as expected, it's automatically assumed it's because I have a disability and it's quite dehumanizing.
I might make mistakes but I'm not perfect. Neither is anyone who doesn't have a disability. I do wish people who treat me in such a way would look at the mirror and ask themselves, "are you perfect?" and also slow down, stop and ask themselves why they they treat me the way they do. Would they treat me this way if I didn't have a disability? Highly doubtful. Because of my disabilities, some people make assumptions about me, often even before I do or say anything and that is not a good feeling at all.
10. "People with disabilities, regardless of what kind of disabilities, cannot live independently."
Living independently doesn't come easily for anyone but for people with any disabilities, it is a real challenge. While most people with disabilities can't do everything a lot of people without disabilities can, living independently is possible. When you have a disability, it does affect some of the things you're capable or not capable of doing. There are a lot of people with disabilities who do not have jobs so they need a way to live financially. People in wheelchairs need a way to get around town to buy groceries, get medication or money from the bank and other essentials but they don't drive. Without the help of assistive devices, deaf people can't know when their phone is ringing or someone is at the door. There are many services provided by the local/state government in America and independent living centers around the country that can help people with disabilities have access to public transportation, assistive technology, employment, healthcare and personal assistance.
If you wish to refer back to the original blog, please click/tap here.
