Celebrating Our Differences: Our Lessons From June

Oh, boy, it's July!  July 5th and it's a hot day!  I had intentions of doing this one earlier, but I suppose the July 4th Holiday excitement was early!   

Well, here we are. June is gone and now it's July! I'll miss June and I'll explain why. June was a special full of important moments. June is a month that reminds me of how amazing it is that everyone is different in their own ways, making our world a colorful place.

June was Pride Month, a time to celebrate and support the LGBTQ+ community. I know it's said that the month was for just the LGBTQ+ community, but I like to think it's about celebrating diversity as well, celebrating diverse people. It was about recognizing all kinds of differences in people whether it came to our skin color, our sexual identities or some other kind of identities or our cultural backgrounds and recognizing how we're all different in our own ways. Accepting the LGBTQ+ community is also about accepting everyone who's different.

It's perplexing how in 2025 today we're still being judged based on our differences. Did a black person choose to be black? Did a person born in America or some other country choose to be born there? Did a person choose to be born with Down's Syndrome? How could we judge them when they didn't even choose how they were born?

How is it fair to judge or hate a person just because they're different from us. Believe me, I bet many people considered changing themselves or who they are because of the hatred they've seen today. But that's not the answer. The answer is just embracing yourself and others. Only control what you can control.

There was also Juneteenth. This was the day on June 19th where we remember the struggles and the victories of African Americans and it's the day for pushing for fairness and equality. It celebrates history that can help us understand and do better today.

Change is difficult for many of us but just trying to change others because we don't like them or can't stand them only leads us to frustration and unmet expectations. If we try to change others, we miss out on self-awareness, our own personal growth and understanding. We miss out on learning about someone and therefore, it's difficult to work with them in the workplace, school and out in the community because we're just full of anger and frustration.

Those emotions can make it difficult to reach both personal and professional goals and experiencing those for a long period of time can cause us chronic stress and I think in today's world, we might have an idea what that chronic stress can do to our bodies! Holding onto the anger and frustration of others causes us to miss out on how wonderful our world really is!

Every June, we recognize that our differences aren't weaknesses, but they are strengths enriching communities, fostering creativity and promoting growth. When I was in college, knew of a person who didn't like someone who was from the LGBT+ community, but they learned a lot about that person and found out many interesting things they didn't know!

I'm happy to say the person continued to live happier and continued to teach others that it's ok to be different, without abandoning their own personal identities. When that person held onto a lot of hatred and anger, their family spent less time with him and his romantic relationship ended abruptly, which drove him into depression for an extended period of time before he realized how much his attitudes affected him personally and professionally.

The important message is simple: love and accept each other, no matter who we are or what makes us different. Hatred and judging others are wrong because no one asks to be born a certain way or to have certain experiences. Everyone deserves kindness and respect, even if they seem different from us.
Let’s learn from each other, celebrate what makes us unique, and work toward a world where everyone feels safe, valued, and accepted. Be true to yourself and encourage others to do the same. Don't change because you are enough! People worry about losing their identities like their belief systems and how their parents raised them, fearing they'll be rejected if they change. Don't fear what you're losing but embrace what you're gaining!

As we go forward, remember what June taught us. Let those lessons guide how we treat others, help us build a more caring and inclusive world, and inspire us to make a positive difference for everyone.

FAQs

• Why is celebrating diversity important?

  Celebrating diversity enriches our lives by exposing us to different perspectives, experiences, and cultures. It fosters empathy, understanding, and creativity, leading to stronger communities and a more inclusive world.

• What can I do to promote acceptance and inclusivity?

  You can start by educating yourself about different cultures and identities, challenging your own biases, and speaking out against prejudice and discrimination. Support organizations that promote equality and inclusivity and actively create spaces where everyone feels welcome and respected.

• How can I be my authentic self?

  Being your authentic self involves understanding and accepting your strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs. Embrace your unique qualities, pursue your passions, and don't be afraid to express yourself honestly and openly.

• What should I do if I witness someone being discriminated against?

  If you feel safe, intervene by speaking up against the discrimination, offering support to the person being targeted, and reporting the incident to the appropriate authorities or organizations. If you don't feel safe intervening directly, find other ways to support the person being targeted and report the incident.

• How can I teach children about diversity and inclusion?

  Start early by exposing children to diverse books, toys, and media. Talk to them about differences in a positive and age-appropriate way and encourage them to interact with people from different backgrounds. Model inclusive behavior and challenge any biased or discriminatory comments or actions they may make.  No one is born hating a person.  Hate is taught.  So is love.  Teach love and acceptance if you wish to raise a compassionate generation.  Raising such a generation frees you from the burden of hatred, conflicts, division and even chronic stress and violence!

Nelson Mandela was arrested because he believed violence was the answer to fighting back apartheid laws.  Once released, he realized that reconciliation and forgiveness was how we can attain a more peaceful society.  It's difficult to change when we feel most vulnerable because it's uncomfortable and sometimes, even risky because of societal norms.  We may feel powerless if we change our beliefs and start being more accepting of others.  Change is a slow process, and we can get to that point once we realize the negative impact of prejudices that actually harms us.  

How about choosing kindness over judgment and love over fear? Every one of us has the power to make a positive difference. That's whether it’s by offering a kind word, standing up for someone who’s being treated unfairly (that's easier said than done sometimes, right? Consider what's really important to you when you answer that) or simply embracing the beautiful diversity that makes our world special. I ask of you now to think about how you can foster more acceptance and understanding in your daily life. Together, we can create a more inclusive, loving community, one small act of kindness at a time.

Words Matter: Choosing Kindness in a Digital World

 

It’s disheartening when reading replies to some posts on social media.  Someone posted a reply regarding Starbucks (not here, but another Facebook page) saying they’ve never been there before.  Someone else said, “Who cares?  They didn’t ask if you’re been there before.  Why would you waste your time posting this?”

I think the real question is, “why am I wasting MY time reading this?”  It’s YOUR time that YOU are wasting.  It was your choice to read it and respond and how you respond is your own choice and responsibility.  An author has a reason for posting what they post.  If they’re happy posting it, they’re not wasting their time.  Maybe they just wanted to contribute and share and there were no rules on how to reply.  I appreciate people's feelings about their right to speak and say what they like but there are those who don't always choose their words carefully and realize how it makes people feel.  It's difficult to care more about people we don't know and how they feel but just because it's a right to say what we like doesn't mean we should say them.  Our words have consequences on real people and even the real world.  Guess what?  The real world affects you!  

Whatever you’re reading on social media, it doesn’t mean you have to care but it also doesn’t mean you have to be rude or inconsiderate.  Whether it’s face-to-face or online through a screen, the people you read comments from are real, no matter how fake social media may seem.

If you find a post or reply that annoys you but isn’t breaking any rules, the best thing to do is to just keep scrolling and move on.  I know there are many inconsiderate people and that’s very unfortunate but our behaviors and attitudes do affect us more than you can imagine.  If we were more considerate and kind to others, more people would be the same for us and the rest of our day can be more positive and peaceful.  What comes around, goes around.  I know all this seems cliched but I think it’s worth repeating over and over again until we see changes.  We appear to be progressing but we’re not quite there yet!  Maybe we’re not supposed to be there yet?  Maybe we’re destined to keep doing this for the rest of our lives so younger generations can learn from us?  In reality, this could go on forever but we have a choice: let this last forever or finally be the change?  Don’t wait for change.  Be the change. 

We are taught the way we behave to an extent.  It’s past time to teach our children and everyone of all ages about kindness and it’s really sad that in 2025 and in the world of social media, we still have to do this.  Empathy, kindness and consideration is both innate and taught in some degrees.  A young child may be selfish because he wants all the toys to himself and not share them with his younger sibling.  So he has to be taught to share even though since birth, he’s had the capacity to be kind.

When it comes to social media, people knows we’re talking to total strangers and that’s very unfortunate we’re talking through screens.  So we just say, “who cares what I learned from my parents?  People can’t see me, I can just say whatever I want!” and we start treating Facebook like a wild playground with absolutely no repercussions because there is clearly no one around making any rules how to treat others!  

Regardless of whether you got a screen in front of you, think about your comments.  Are you being kind?  Is it necessary?  Is it beneficial?  Whose time is really being wasted?  Theirs…. or yours?

Seeking The Truth Amidst The Noise

 

Journalism has changed a lot, especially with the reports regarding the current LA wildfires and the Trump administration's return to the White House. The other day, I turned on the TV expecting updates on the wildfires, as people are suffering and need help. Instead, the news focused on confirmation hearings for Trump's cabinet. I do care about politics, but many people share my frustration and that there’s limited time for news in a half-hour show.  If I want more details, I have to look it up online.

The Information Overload

Reading the newspapers isn’t my cup of tea when it comes to learning about what’s happening out there unless there’s a headline that catches my eye. There are just too many stories, and quite frankly, I don’t like to hold up the whole thing and read so much news at once! I want to know what’s happening quickly, but I also want enough information to comprehend the situation. It’s frustrating because online articles are often clickbait, with catchy headlines that don’t tell me the whole story. After clicking on them, I often regret it because they don’t provide the details I need. Those headlines seem designed to attract clicks, not to inform.

A few years ago, when I went into a store that sells old and unusual things, I found a copy of the "Los Angeles Herald Tribune" published the day after John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire paper was focused on that tragedy: people's reactions, details of that grim day, and the impact on the nation and worldwide. The news was full of facts, whether people wanted to hear them or not. I feel that journalism has changed so much today that we’re not getting those same kinds of detailed, factual stories. It feels like we’re getting more opinions than factual news.  When I read the newspapers, I found myself enjoying the stories from that day and appreciating what went on in people’s minds and feeling the sensation of that tragic day on November 22, 1963. 

The Misinformation Controversy

The rise of social media over the past couple of decades has come with complications. Platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram were created to help us connect with family and friends. That’s why I signed up and that part has worked well, allowing me to reconnect with long-distance relatives and friends. However, these platforms have also become landscapes for misinformation and heated debates. This issue intensified during the Covid-19 pandemic, with campaigns from influencers, anti-vaxx groups, and even some news organizations promoting information debunked by health experts for their own profit. As our feeds fill with ads and disputable claims, it’s easy to forget the original purpose of these platforms.  That is to connect, not divide.

Now, it seems that there’s a constant battle of opinions online. It’s frustrating because, instead of promoting productive conversations, social media often fuels anger and attacks. It's become a place where people argue over everything, especially politics. People seem to think that their opinion is the only right one, and that anyone who disagrees is wrong. This creates a toxic environment where name-calling and personal attacks are the norm.  But what does this accomplish?  Why create such a destructive atmosphere online when we can just use online platforms for sharing ideas, opinions and feelings in more constructive ways?  I get it.  Hot topics do evoke strong feelings for us.  It’s difficult because emotions run high, and we want to be heard and understood but some of us get offended.  How often do we pause to consider our emotional responses before jumping into debates online?   

Gun control?  A lot of people have different ways of approaching it.  Abortion?  Many people have different stances on this, too.  Some of us feel like we need more guns, less guns, tighter laws on immigration, more lenient procedures for letting people in America, more governmental control and less of it.  It’s ok, none of us have to agree on everything.  If we did, we wouldn’t be able to think critically and grow as a society.  After a while, we’d get bored and have nothing left to talk about! 

Bridging The Partisan Divide

I witnessed a thread of posts on Facebook after I posted about my experience as a person with a disability.  I posted that people would ask me if I needed help when I was doing nothing while waiting for something.  My response to them was, “with what?”  They just saw my wheelchair and assumed I needed help.  Anyway, that post generated a lot of responses included a thread of…. a flame war, I guess you could say?  It turned out it was a lot of misunderstanding, so it took some clarifying and understanding for some time and all parties involved began to find peace with each other when they had one purpose: to understand each other, not hate or offend

News media platforms have also changed their focus. It feels like they serve their own particular audiences than providing unbiased reporting.  This only seems to divide America even further. The media gives the public what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear, which might explain why partisan attitudes have become so extreme.  They aren’t exactly like our parents when we were kids where we were told things we needed to hear but didn’t want to!  Sound familiar?

 

Beyond The Bubble: The Echo Chamber Effect

In the 1990s, we learned that truth and accuracy were essential in journalism. Opinions were allowed, but guidelines protected against slander and ensured integrity of journalism…. and kept student journalists out of trouble! Today, while journalists can share their opinions thanks to Freedom of the Press, some feel this has become excessive. Many still rely on the news for the truth, but what happens when it's filled with personal viewpoints instead of facts? I’m not claiming the news is all lies (depends on who you ask, really) but it's not like 1963, when events were reported as they occurred. Today, we have fact checkers to verify reports, yet many readers ignore them due to distrust, confirmation bias, emotions, belief systems, and misinformation campaigns.

I also find myself trying to be open-minded, listening to different perspectives, although like any human, I’ll slip and forget that it’s not my opinion but someone else’s. It’s important to engage in critical thinking, as it would allow us to better assess information we hear or read about. A lack of critical thinking could contribute to the pervasion of narratives that may not benefit our society.

Now, regarding the TV coverage, I understand why the confirmation hearings were covered instead of the wildfires. Yes, Trump is about to take office again, so the hearings seemed urgent. But it doesn’t mean we should overlook other significant events, like the fires that were affecting real people’s lives. Maybe viewers were tired of hearing about the disasters, or perhaps it felt overwhelming to think about them, which can lead to apathy. But the media’s role is to inform us, to provide resources, and to help communities come together, especially in times of crisis.

When I watch the news, it’s difficult but I try to remind myself that it isn’t just "bad news." It can inspire us to help others and to come together as a community. I believe we really need that kind of perspective, especially now with the contentious inauguration of Donald Trump, the LA wildfires and the recent passing of President Jimmy Carter. If we open our eyes and minds, we can work toward a better future.

From Division To Dialogue: The Power of Human Connection

A divided country and community won't get us anywhere except for more division, anger, hatred and violence. The media should focus on stories that unite us and offer new viewpoints rather than dwelling only on commentary that can potentially alienate us from one another. During my journalism classes, we often discussed human interest stories and how much they matter, but they also emphasized the need for factual reporting.

In light of the ongoing controversies and while it’s okay to voice opinions, I wish we could find common ground instead of allowing those opinions to tear us apart. With respect and open-mindedness, we can engage in constructive conversation rather than descending into argument and conflict.

We might lose people along the way, but if they can't appreciate constructive conversations, were they ever really on our side? Our goal is to create a new community: a space where we listen, share, and work together for a better world, embracing our differences to foster growth. We can start by opening our minds and hearts, doing our own research, and learning to appreciate the world more. The key is creating an environment where we can discuss ideas comfortably and safely, without judgment or bias, where we listen, make ourselves heard, and keep our emotions in check. If we need to express our feelings, we should channel them productively by seeking clarification (ask questions, not accuse!) and finding common ground.

We are capable of coming together respectfully. Journalism may have changed, but it doesn’t have to be our enemy. We can still strive to cultivate awareness, empathy, and understanding, creating an atmosphere that encourages healthier discussions and actions to improve our well-beings. Let's aim for that from this day forward, no matter what circumstances hit us.

John F. Kennedy has said, "Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed—and no republic can survive."

Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities

The word, "Neurodiversity" isn't in our everyday vocabulary, is it?  I don't hear it so often but once I knew what it meant, it probably became one of my favorite words recently.  Neurodiversity is the viewpoint or perception that our ways of thinking are normal, not strange, unusual or a subject of irregularity.  We all think differently about things, people and different topics in life.  Yet, we hear each other saying what they think and we think that they're wrong or they're doing something wrong or we think our opinions are better than others.  We think we know better than others.  We think we know what others need or want.  In life, we think there's always a right or wrong answer.  

When it comes to having a disability, it's so easy for people to think they know what people with disabilities want or need so they decide for us what it is.  They think they know what we're capable of and not capable of.  They think they know what we're thinking and what we're feeling.  They believe they got it all figured out!  People see us sitting down in wheelchairs, using sign language, using a cane while walking or having difficulties with picking up a spoon while eating. Suddenly, we're invalids.  Then people see a person in a wheelchair going up a hill or putting their wheelchair in the backseat of the car and say, "Whoops!  Somebody in a wheelchair needs help.  Gotta go!" then run over and start helping them but without permission from the person who is in the wheelchair.  That person "helping" thinks the person with the wheelchair is so incompetent that they don't have the ability to do things on their own, not even ask for help.  So they think they need to go over there and start helping.  

People with disabilities do not need help with everything and may not need as much help as we think.  When someone sees a person with a disability, people think it's their jobs to help or do things for them, speak up for them or tell them something that's very obvious (you just finished frying eggs and then say, "be careful around the stove, it's still hot."  Well, duh!  Like we don't know stoves are hot for a while after being used recently like we all learned in Kindergarten!).  

I have multiple disabilities and I experience this a lot.  I get told the obvious things a lot as if I'm blind (I'm not) or incompetent (not that, either!).  Because of stereotypes and because some people don't have disabilities, some of those who live without disabilities do not understand that those who live with a disability think as themselves as people and don't let their disabilities define them.  I never let mine define me.  I go on living my life, enjoying it without worrying so much about what I can't do.  I focus on what I CAN do!  Unfortunately, I've been confronted by people who only focus on what I can't do and that I can't think, rather than what I can do and that I have the ability to think and process information.

This happens because of stereotypes or comments about people with disabilities and people believe them.  Read up on the other part of this blog debunking 10 stereotypes and misconceptions about individuals with various disabilities.

Challenging Stereotypes and Embracing Neurodiversity

Click on photo to enlarge and read the captions.

Instead of embracing stereotypes, embrace neurodiversity.  People with and without disabilities aren't always going to do what you expected and that's ok!  Because of the stereotypes about people with disabilities, some people assume they know how their minds work and they believe they know what people with disabilities need or want and they think they know better.

So they go ahead and push a person in a wheelchair up the ramp because they believe people in wheelchairs are weak and don't know how to ask for help or didn't think to, they shout at deaf people because they believe deaf people will hear them and not be annoyed by the yelling and they point out the most obvious thing or direct them to do things to people with learning disabilities because they believe people with learning or intellectual disabilities are stupid, slow or confused.  

While it may be true that people with learning or intellectual disabilities process information differently, it doesn't mean they're incompetent because they're doing something unexpected or they weren't doing what was expected.  For example, when I'm out in public with people and I happen to be looking at something interesting while everyone else is ready to move on, I get singled out and told "come on, let's go" when there is someone else in the group who have done the same thing but didn't get told to get a move on.  It's like they think I'm not paying attention to the rest of the group or my surroundings or I'm not allowed to take an extra minute to appreciate something that interests me or just take my time.  

Thanks to the stereotypes, people think if someone like me make mistakes, do something risky or do or say something unexpected, it's automatically because of our disability.  So someone will feel the need to correct or "fix" them or even help them without permission.  We're not broken!  People with disabilities, whether they're deaf, blind, in wheelchairs or mentally challenged, are not broken people that require correction or being fixed.  Being a person with a disability just means they're different and they do things differently and that's not a bad thing.  People could learn something new from people like me like empathy, patient, keeping an open mind and letting go of control over how people act or think.

Celebrating Neurodiversity!

Neurodiversity is all about people thinking differently from each other without being accused of having a defect or disorder.  It's about letting go of control over how people act or behave and just worrying about how you react to those who think or act differently from you.  It's also about letting go of societal norms.  The world is changing all the time and many people have difficulties adjusting to the change, trying to hold onto the societal norms, even stereotypes because so many people don't know how to respond to something that's so different to them.  

While neurodiversity focuses primarily on neurological differences and addresses those with autism and ADHD and mental conditions, for example, neurodiversity can be applied to other aspects of diversity like minority groups and certain communities such as people with non-cognitive disabilities, black people, the LGBTQ community and socioeconomic individuals.  

Because we all come from different backgrounds, cultures and have various beliefs and values and even different brains and bodies, we all think differently and that's ok!  It's ok to not have the same beliefs, opinions or values.  That's the beauty of cultivating compassion and empathy!  We don't have to agree on the same things and we can just drop our egos and agree to disagree in order to be more civil and compassionate with others.  We can even learn from each other and ask  how we make our own choices instead of making assumptions.  By making assumptions, you're closing the doors to learning something new, forming new beliefs and relationships that may be beneficial for you.  

By learning about others and their actions, we become more empathic, patient, non-judgmental and loving to others.  Eventually, we'll live happier lives without barriers.  No more of others telling us what to do, what to say, how to do something, we become more educated when we communicate with each other and learn why we do what we do, have more access to other communities, workplaces, education and healthcare and we have less misunderstanding, misjudgments, inequality, tension and social conflicts with our loved ones, peers, colleagues and everyone else in all our communities.  

Note: This is an important blog and I thank everyone for reading.  Please let me know what you think in the comment section and if you liked this blog or it resonates with you, please feel free to share and comment!

Debunking 10 Stereotypes and Misconceptions About People With Disabilities

Smash Those Stereotypes!

This is part of an original blog, "Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities".

1.  "People in wheelchairs always need help with things and need others to think or do things for them."

Yes, I might need help with things but it's not okay to assume I always need help.  Ask me first if I need help.  If I say, "no, thank you," respect that and walk away, even if it looks like I need help or someone else tells you I need help.  I'm the only person who knows what I'm capable of as I'm the only person holding my brain in my head and I'm the only person who has access to the information that my brain is giving me.  We can't read each other's minds.  I do not want others to think or do things for me or assume that I'm not capable of thinking or doing more things than you think.  That's pretty insulting and it undermines my capabilities as a person with a disability.  

In college, I would carry my trays in the cafeteria, which I'm capable of doing on my own.  The workers saw me, assumed I needed help and would start taking my tray over to a table without my permission.  I'd keep saying, "no, thank you" and explain I'm capable of carrying my own trays.  I kept doing this to different workers and I finally got fed up and complained to the manager.  The manager caught a worker trying to help again and the manager told him to stop.  The worker just argued, "but she can't push herself while carrying the tray!"  He wasn't keeping an open mind by seeing that it is possible and he assumed I was incapable of asking for help.  By the way, I'm happy to report that I never dropped a tray once!    

It's great that you want to help people and be polite.  It's ok to open doors for people or pick something up for someone when they drop it.  It's just not okay to assume people can't do certain things because of their disabilities or assume they're incapable of seeking assistance.  People with disabilities deserve respect and dignity and to be treated like you.  Treat them like you want to be treated.

2.  "Wow! I didn't know a person in a wheelchair could push themselves around all day, they must have strong arms!"

My arms are like anyone's legs that can move and walk themselves.  Do you tell someone you're impressed when you see them walking around with their legs all day as if seeing them walk around is new?  So next time you want to tell me how impressed you are for pushing around in my chair all day, stop yourself and just change the subject or don't say anything. 

3.  "People with disabilities need/want pity and are non-sexual, incapable of any loving relationships."

I actually pity those who think I need or want pity.  People with disabilities do many things most people do but differently.  Even people without disabilities do things differently!  We don't need or want your pity.

If you find a person with a disability who is still a virgin or isn't in a relationship, it's very likely it was their choice, not because they're incapable of having a loving relationship.  There are well-known people with disabilities who have married and/or have children.  Blind singer Stevie Wonder has been married 3 times and have 9 kids.  Sylvester Stallone has a speech impediment but he also married 3 times and fathered 5 children.  Tom Cruise has dyslexia but married 3 times and has 3 children.  Deaf actress Marlee Matlin has been married for about 30 years and has 4 children.

4.  "People who are disabled are weak and sick and need us to protect them from everything."

People with disabilities are often perceived as weak or in constant need of protection.  With health issues we face, many lead fulfilling lives like living with families and spending time with people, working, driving and studying independently.  The misconception that we require excessive protection can undermine our autonomy.

Respecting individuals with disabilities means acknowledging their choices and allowing them the freedom to make informed decisions, even if they may be poor decisions.  Like anyone else, we have the right to make mistakes and learn from them, unless we're medically or legally declared incompetent.  It's unfair to treat us differently in this regard.  Treating us differently like this just takes away our independence, freedom, choices, autonomy and humanness.  That's more than enough for us as the world already does this with discrimination and inequality.

Excessive protection, even if well-intended, can lead to resentment, estrangement and hinder healthy dynamics between families and other loved ones.  Practicing self-control and respecting our autonomy is crucial.  Instead of making assumptions, try to understand the reasons behind our choices.  Embrace neurodiversity!

Everyone makes mistakes and even people with disabilities are allowed that.  The only exception is if they're declared incompetent.  It is imperative to kind in mind that a disability does not define a person's competence or ability to learn from their mistakes.  Making mistakes is a normal part of life and learning and it applies to every human being, regardless of their abilities and disabilities.  People with and without disabilities need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.  Rather than overprotect, foster an environment with open communication and understanding.  Encourage civilized conversations and find common ground for decision-making.  Nobody is perfect, and empathy does go a long way.

Kind in mind that people without disabilities also make poor decisions like eating nothing but junk, overspending on entertainment and luxuries, speeding over the limit on the road and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day and they're allowed as well.  When was the last time you went through a few months without making mistakes or making poor decisions?  Before judging anyone, ask yourself if you're perfect.

5.  "People with disabilities cannot work."

Because of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, people cannot be discriminated from working because of a disability.  Employers are required by law to make reasonable accommodations so that a person with a disability is able to work.  If an employee is able to work with those accommodations, they can work.

6.  "Deaf people cannot drive."

I suppose this is the reason why some people think it's okay mess with their phone, the map, radio or something else while driving.  They can hear so why watch the road, right?  All they got to do is listen for someone else to blow their horns and everything's cool, right?  Wrong!  First of all, this is not to say you should not use your hearing or even depend on it when you're driving.  Everyone should use all their senses to protect themselves and that includes being on the road.  

When you lose one of your senses, your other senses are enhanced.  For example, deaf people tend to have better peripheral vision.  Deaf people obviously cannot use their ears so they must be more alert when watching the road, using their eyes.  In other words, deaf people pay more attention to the road and their surroundings visually and are less distracted when driving.  Hard to believe?  Find out here!

7.  "All deaf people need you to shout so they can hear you."

I cannot tell you how annoying this is!  First of all, no, deaf people do not need you to shout.  In fact, it is not advisable for you to raise your voice loudly at a deaf person when talking to them.  For anyone who can hear at all, you shouldn't be yelling at them because it's annoying.  I know this because while I have a hearing loss, I hear enough that I can tell when you're screaming at me and it's annoying!  If the person is profoundly deaf, it won't help and you're just straining your voice for nothing.  

When speaking to someone like me, speak clearly and not too quickly.  If I need clarification or don't understand something, I'll tell you.  Shouting won't help.  Some deaf/hard of hearing individuals can hear well but struggle with understanding what people are saying.  I can hear people's voices but I can't always understand the words, making it feel like someone is speaking in another language.  So when talking to a deaf/hard of hearing person, speak normally and clearly, avoid moving around when talking, maintain eye contact and minimize background noise.  

Oh, and a pet peeve of mine?  When I'm trying to have a conversation with someone with a sign language interpreter present and the person turns to the interpreter and says to them, "tell her...."  When you do this, you're engaging with the interpreter and not including me in the conversation.  That's just rude and insulting, just like it's rude to talk to only the person accompanying the person in a wheelchair when you're actually dealing with the person in the wheelchair.  It makes it seem like the person who is deaf or in the wheelchair is invisible and when it happens to me, I feel like you're not interested in engaging with me.

8.  "People with learning disabilities cannot learn how to drive."

Learning how to drive requires physical and mental skills, good reflexes and multitasking and the ability to drive without so much fear and anxiety.  People with learning disabilities may struggle with multitasking, focusing on the road and processing information at a quicker rate.  Quick response time is crucial while driving.  Learning disabilities vary, with some people have difficulties with reading while being great problem solvers while some other have trouble with math but do great with reading and writing.  Having a learning disability doesn't mean you're dumb or slow as a person.  It just means the brain processes information differently.  

This is why conversations with many people involved is difficult for some with learning disabilities, combined with another disability like being deaf.  Once Person A is done talking and if Person B starts talking right away, I'm still processing what Person A's point is.  This is often a struggle when it's a group of people I'm involved in.  Then there's overlapping conversations as well and it's hard to extract what one person is saying and process it when there's a lot of background noise or conversations going on.  It's like going into a very crowded place and trying to catch and keep up with one person's comments.

Fortunately, there are many ways to help improve understanding, memory and reflexes etc.. so people with learning disabilities can still learn how to drive.

9.  "People with learning disabilities need us to explain everything in minor specific details and they need us to point out everything to them like they're 5 years old."

While it's important to break down complex information for better understanding, it is not acceptable to patronize individuals with learning disabilities by treating them like children or assuming their incapability to grasp concepts.  Well-intended loved ones, guardians and peers should refrain from constantly stating the obvious ("It's gray and cloudy, think it's time to come inside as it may rain!") or explaining things as if they're addressing a child.  People with learning disabilities often possess common knowledge, just like people without learning disabilities such as a hot stove or interpreting gray, cloudy skies as potential rain.  

It's okay to warn people of danger not obvious to most people but if it's common knowledge, such a warning or pointing out conspicuous things like a hot stove or cloudy skies is really unnecessary and it can be off-putting.  By respecting them as adults (unless they're actually children) and acknowledging their abilities, individuals with learning disabilities will feel more valued and appreciated.

I personally find it condescending when someone tells me something or how to act in a way as if I'm incompetent or naive.  That is especially when I'm the only one who gets this treatment while everyone else in the room gets to do whatever they please.  I've been told what to post or not post on social media and the same with texting when no one else has because they assumed my disabilities caused me to know nothing about social etiquette, especially with netiquette in today's world and that's hurtful.  It's disheartening that people want to control what people with disabilities do because they think they can.  And to think this happens to me while almost everyone else without disabilities are still messing with their phones while at the table during mealtimes or during quality time with others.

Another situation I'd find annoying is when I'm out with a group of people and I'm taking a moment to savor something interesting to me but the rest of the group is ready to get a move on and they tell me, "come on, let's go" as if I'm not allowed to savor or I'm not paying attention to the group.  Maybe they assumed I wasn't paying attention and that may be the case but it's obviously relevant to my disability.  This would happen when another person who doesn't have a disability is also being behind but it's ok with the rest of the group for that person to savor the moment or not pay attention.  When I'm not doing something as expected, it's automatically assumed it's because I have a disability and it's quite dehumanizing.   

I might make mistakes but I'm not perfect.  Neither is anyone who doesn't have a disability.  I do wish people who treat me in such a way would look at the mirror and ask themselves, "are you perfect?" and also slow down, stop and ask themselves why they they treat me the way they do.  Would they treat me this way if I didn't have a disability?  Highly doubtful.  Because of my disabilities, some people make assumptions about me, often even before I do or say anything and that is not a good feeling at all.  

10.  "People with disabilities, regardless of what kind of disabilities, cannot live independently."

Living independently doesn't come easily for anyone but for people with any disabilities, it is a real challenge.  While most people with disabilities can't do everything a lot of people without disabilities can, living independently is possible.  When you have a disability, it does affect some of the things you're capable or not capable of doing.  There are a lot of people with disabilities who do not have jobs so they need a way to live financially.  People in wheelchairs need a way to get around town to buy groceries, get medication or money from the bank and other essentials but they don't drive.  Without the help of assistive devices, deaf people can't know when their phone is ringing or someone is at the door.  There are many services provided by the local/state government in America and independent living centers around the country that can help people with disabilities have access to public transportation, assistive technology, employment, healthcare and personal assistance. 

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No New Year's Resolutions for 2024? Continue Old Resolutions!

 As another year of 2023 comes to an end, we often find ourselves settle into the same old mindset that we should new year's resolutions for the coming year.  We reflect the past year and we ponder on what goals we haven't met and what goals we need to fulfill for the next year in order to commit to a new fresh start in our lives.  However... why not try another approach?  How about exploring the idea of continuing our goals as our new year's resolution while just enjoying life, progressing at our own pace and ultimately, embracing the imperfection that makes us humans?  Tried to quit smoking this past year but failed?  Keep doing it in 2024!  Tried to lose weight last January 2023 only to fall off the wagon after 6 weeks before giving up for the whole year?  Try again in 2024!  

Life itself is a journey.  We are a work in progress.  It's not a race!  We don't have to finish college by 25.  We don't have to get married and raise a family of 3 kids by 45.  Some of us reach at 50 and still aren't sure what we're doing with our lives!  I used to think you had to finish high school, go to college, wait til after college to get married and have 2.5 kids with a dog and a nice house surrounded by a picket fence and settle into our careers without changing.  Now I realized there's no hurry at all.  There's no hurry to pick a career if you're not sure what you want to do, to get married and have kids or to even complete a bucket list!  Most of the time, we never even do every single thing on our bucket list and we may end up on our deathbeds someday thinking how we should've done something or gone someplace but we didn't.

Whatever you think, it's ok to not complete everything you've ever wanted to do.  It's ok to fail, make mistakes and fall of the wagon.  We can't be perfect.  Being perfect is just being unrealistic and it's unattainable!  We weren't created to be perfect!  If we were trying to be perfect, how are we supposed to  grow, learn and become self-compassionate?  Embracing our need to be perfect only brings on stress and undermines our self-confidence.  We are all flawed beings and setbacks are a natural part of any pathway towards personal development and self-improvement.  So when those setbacks happen, don't stop for the rest of the year and give up.  Cut yourself some slack, remind yourself you're human and you weren't meant to be perfect and after you've taken a breather, try again when you're mentally and emotionally ready.  Focus on the joy of progress, let go of high expectations and set mini-goals, instead of big goals.

Source: BK on Flickr 
Photo by cocoparisienne

Instead of feeling the pressure of starting anew each year, give yourself permission to grace yourself with progress in your goals and your own life's purposes that are significant to you.  You don't have to start a new goal then if you don't reach it in 2025, don't stop and just say, "Welp!  I didn't reach my goals or resolutions I promised to make for myself last New Year so I guess it wasn't meant to be and I might as well quit and pick another resolution that's easier!"  If losing weight, finding the love of your life, giving up cigarettes or traveling to Europe for the first time ever is that important to you, then go for it!  So you didn't make it to Europe, lose 70 lbs or find the right guy in 2023.  Keep trying in 2024!  If no luck, try again in 2025!  Yes, some of us won't be here in 2025 but at least we had lives filled with joy, love and lessons we did learn and teach others so those who are still on Earth can finish what we began.

Thanks to what we were taught as children, our history and societal norms, we are so fixated on setting resolutions and achieving goals that we forget to pause and appreciate the present moment.  Instead of consuming ourselves with the need to accomplish new objectives, we should be cultivating the mindset that allows us to savor life's journey every moment as we can.  If we can do that, we can celebrate the smallest things like small victories, our growth and we can become more content.  By doing so, we enjoy each minute of reaching our goals and if we find a way to enjoy them, it will be easier to reach those goals without so much stress and complaining about how difficult it is in whatever we choose to do.  

I'm not saying we should let go of things that need to be done or deadlines that must be met in our careers or at school.  While we're still living, we definitely should be reaching goals and finding our purposes but at the same time, enjoy the journey of doing those and finding a balance between personal goals, pursuing careers, savoring each aspect of life's beauty and nurturing relationships with others.  By cultivating a balance, you can live a lifestyle that is both smooth and fulfilling.  We can then feel less stressed and enjoy fulfilling our New Year's resolutions.

10 years ago, I went through a major event that changed my perspectives about goals, purposes and living life in general.  I used to take things for granted but I don't anymore and there have been things I wish I had done before now but I realize that while it's true that life is short, I believe in taking my time and enjoying the journey in reaching my goals, finding my purpose and whatever else I am meant to stay on this Earth for.  It's hard to start our goals into a new year but once we start, it's easier to get the ball rolling!

So in conclusion, let this new year be an acknowledgement of self-acceptance and continuous personal growth instead of an obligation to redefine ourselves with goals that may be filled with nothing but struggles and aggravation.  Life is about embracing imperfection and the small things.  I'll just bullet-point some things for you clearly:

• Let go of expectations based on what you were taught and societal norms.  Life changes all the time, whether we can control it or not.
• Instead of reaching big goals, reach mini-goals
• Be realistic
• Find new ways to enjoy the moment and take your time
• Be conscious that you may not finish everything.  Just know you did your best and you are a work in progress!  It is ok to pass the torch and let someone after you finish something.  Steve Jobs was the reason why Apple Inc. become successful but after he passed away, Tim Cook took the company to higher levels by introducing new products like AirPods and Apple Watches.  Walt Disney founded the Walt Disney Company and brightened up our entertainment industry with animations and theme parks.  However, in 2005, Bob Iger advanced this success with the addition of modern and advanced ideas like Pixar and Marvel. 

Beyond the Smile: Unraveling the Silent Pain of Mental Illnesses

 In Memory of Stephen "tWitch" Boss

Stephen "tWitch" Boss once said, "You will make decisions that might seem right at the time but then they're not.  For me, it just helps to know that it keeps going -- it does, no matter what -- even if something seems very devastating like there's some kind of force that's going to keep going and it's there for you to naturally access."

Today marked one year since Stephen "tWitch" Boss died by suicide.  If you are having thoughts of suicide or struggling with a mental illness or even feeling hopeless in general, there is help.  You can simply dial 988 (you can also text your message to 988).  There are a lot of other ways to get help if you are depressed, experiencing a crisis, have been assaulted sexually or physically, are being bullied and more.  You can call, text or chat with someone whether you are deaf/hard of hearing, LGBTQ or a teen.

When you read that quote above, it sounds like it could be said by someone who's going through some kind of difficulties.  It's true, we all make decisions and sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong.  That's part of life.  I suppose that's what he meant when he said "it keeps going."  Life does keep going.  Life will go on, no matter the choices you make.  It's a bit difficult to determine whether he meant this to be a positive or negative outlook when he basically said choices can be hard to face but then life goes go on, regardless of your choices.  He carries on to say ".... like there's some kind of force that's going to keep going and it's there for you to naturally access."  tWtich made it sound like he knew that things will just happen because it's "some kind of force" or something that's established by nature or some kind of phenomenon and you can't control it or stop it from happening, even if you want it to.  Some things will happen beyond our control.  Other things, we can control them if we wanted to.

Again, I don't know for sure if he meant it to be a positive or negative tone.  Although, he continued but in a manner that seemed more positive: "Sometimes, I'm faced to make a choice that is the best possible choice I can make at that given moment.  Now, will it be the perfect choice?  No.  Will it cause me to fail?  Maybe, and if so, you've got to get back up really, really quick and pick up the lesson of whatever that is and then keep it moving because that's kind of what life does."

I think it's evident that tWitch knew that life can be full of the inevitable but you have a choice.  Either go for it and wait and see if you succeed or fail or do nothing and not take any chances.  Though I have to wonder what his mood was when he said the first part.  Maybe I'm overthinking this but it sounded like a bit of despair in his words but he was trying his best to be hopeful. 

tWitch was known for being positive, no matter what life threw at him.  Whatever he had going in his life, he was positive and vibrant and worked hard as a dancer, choreographer, husband and father of three children.  He spread love to those all around him and inspired others to find joy in life with his unbridled spirit, cheerful smile and invigorating dance moves.  All tWitch wanted to do was make everyone feel good, inspire people into kindness and help people be the best they can be.  His family and friends and those around him said he was a wonderful husband and father who loved them and he loved what he was doing.  Before his death, he talked about looking forward to his projects that were underway in 2023.  Just a couple of nights before he was found dead in a motel in Enrico, California, he was dancing with his wife, Allison Holker on Instagram and his energy and love for Allison was palpable.  They had just celebrated their 9-year wedding anniversary on December 10, just 3 days before he died.  He and his family had just decorated their Christmas tree.

Where are the signs?

So what happened?  What went wrong?  tWitch seemed happy and satisfied with his family, friends, career, others in the dance world and life in general.  As far as we know, there was nothing in his demeanor leading up to his death that showed that anything was troubling him at all.  What would cause someone like Stephen "tWitch" Boss to end his life so abruptly with no signs of distress?

You've probably heard or even seen the signs in a person who is considering suicide:

• Loss of appetite/overeating
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• No longer doing things they used to enjoy
• Lack of sleep or too much sleep
• Discussions or even thoughts about death or self-harm
• Getting rid of possessions 
• Constant negative talk or thinking
• Feeling of guilt, especially of being a burden to others
• Displaying dangerous or self-destructive behaviors
• Sudden mood swings 
• Using drugs or alcohol
• Quitting their job or skipping school
  
• Trouble with school or focusing on things

So you would think it's real easy to tell if someone is considering suicide or whether the person is happy or depressed.  Someone has a great life, is always smiling and has a positive outlook on life and we think the person's fine.  In a lot of cases, that may be true.  But in a lot of other cases, that's not so.  So why would a person be smiling and acting happy if they're so unhappy and thinking about hurting themselves?  Why would they be so depressed and think about harming themselves if everything is going so well in their life?

Having a mental illness like anxiety and/or depression can be a burden on ourselves.  Many people have the misconception that people with depression or anxiety just need to snap out of it, get a hug from someone, watch a funny movie, a vacation at the beach or an outing with friends for lunch or a movie.  We all get depressed or anxious from time to time in our lives without having a mental illness.  We get into situations that make us feel this way like losing a job, breaking up with someone, having financial trouble, completing a huge project that seemed hopeless to get done in time, talking in front of a huge group of people, health problems, family problems, traumatic experiences or moving to a new location.

What if we're not going through any of those or we weren't diagnosed with a mental illness?  Then we should have no reason to be unhappy, it seems like.  It seemed liked that was the case with tWitch.  He had a great career, great family, exciting projects coming and he appeared to enjoy what he was doing and loved everyone around him.  So why was he so unhappy?  To this day, we still don't know and we may never know.  Only the person suffering, like tWitch clearly was, would know.

The Hidden Struggle of Mental Illness

Here's the trouble with some mental illnesses like depression or anxiety for some people: it's not always clear.  In many cases, we'll see the signs but in others, we won't.  Just because we always have a smile on our faces or act happy and not complain about anything doesn't necessarily mean we're fine.  In fact, it's possible that we have those smiles and act happy because we're hiding something about ourselves like how unhappy we are and how much pain we're in.  Although, it doesn't necessarily mean we're not happy, either!  Some people may be truly happy and those smiles you see are actually sincere.

So what now?  How do we know whether the person is truly unhappy and in pain?  How could we have known tWitch was unhappy?  Where were the signs?  Did his family and friends miss something?  His wife, Allison, gave an interview a while after his death and revealed there were no signs.  Couple of nights before he was found dead, he was cheerfully dancing with his wife.  He was excited about 2023 and spending time with family around their Christmas tree.  Fans began to doubt that the cause of death was suicide because tWitch was always happy and cheerful, firing up speculations like he was murdered.  However, police concluded there were no signs of foul play and the cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.  

Just because you can't see it doesn't always mean it isn't there.  This also applies to physical illnesses like diabetes, heart diseases, autoimmune disorders and cancer.  You can't see them but they exist.  Some people are really good at hiding their struggles for several reasons:

• They may not want to admit there's a problem.
• They don't want others to know how depressed they are.
• They don't want to be a burden to others.
• They want to be strong and show people how tough they can be.  They believe others expect them to be strong and invincible and do not want to let anyone down.  It is crucial to know that it is ok to not be ok.  You do not have to be strong and put on a brave face if you're not doing ok.  If you're not doing ok, please let someone know.  It can save your life.
• They think there's no hope so why bother talking about it?
• They're ashamed to talk about it and face the problem.
• They think we're too busy with our own lives to listen.

The biggest issue with mental illnesses besides the fact that they could be deadly is that they, like depression and anxiety, are so stigmatized.  They say:

• "People who are depressed are weak."
• "People who are anxious don't know how to get a grip."
• "If someone has a mental illness, it's their own fault."
• "You're just having a bad day.  Go outside and you'll feel better."
• "It's not that big of a deal, your mind's just playing tricks on you."
• "But he looked so happy, had money, a great career, had a wonderful family and a lot of friends.  There's no way someone like that could be so unhappy."

It's attitudes like these that make it hard for people to open up about their struggles.  It makes them more shameful to open up more because of society's general expectations of people who are struggling.  Those expectations would cause people to have the wrong attitudes about those people who struggle with mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.  It's hard to trust people when all they do is believe statements like those above.  They get told they're doing great and look happy then suddenly, they might feel trapped because they think they have to prove to everyone that they are indeed content with everything.

Here's the truth: No one is happy all the time.  Everyone has their own struggles and challenges in the present and the past, even if you don't see them.  tWitch revealed in his suicide note that he had past challenges (details were never revealed what they were).  Because someone is smiling all the time and doing well doesn't mean they've never struggled in their lives.  We just don't always talk about them.  We don't like to face our past mistakes and challenges, certainly not in public.  We don't like to get up and say, "I'm unhappy, help me," especially when everyone think we look happy and seem to have it all like fortune, happy and healthy children and a terrific career.  

Unveiling The Mask

My take is this: He had a great career, future, family, friends and a huge dance community who loved him.  However, it was clear he knew something we didn't.  There was something out there that was not making him happy and only he knew what it was, not us.  It may have been something he was ashamed to talk about, even with his own wife.  It may have had something to do with his past and before he died, it was coming back to haunt him for some reason.  Whatever it was, he didn't want to burden anyone with it, not even his own family.  Whatever it was, it was probably not severe but in his mind, it was and it was bad enough for him to take his own life.  tWitch wanted nothing but to spread love and kindness and enjoy his life with loved ones, make everyone happy and keep dancing.  He may have felt the high pressure and didn't know how to handle it and because everyone's perception of him was so positive, he didn't want to admit that part of him was weak.  It is possible the clues may be in his suicide note in order to shed some light but his full note was never disclosed. 

So what now?  Where to go from here if someone appears to be happy about everything and how to prevent suicides like this one again?  After tWitch died, fans said that we need to be checking in on each other, even those who seem happy.  While that seems like a brilliant idea, I'm not sure that's going to be enough.  You could ask someone, "how are you doing?" and the person might say, "fine."  I bet too many people say they're fine even though they're not.  "Fine" seem like an easy and quick answer to give to someone who asks how we're doing because we don't want to take the time to explain why're not really fine or maybe we're really "fine" but not terrific and we don't feel like going into details about our lives.

If someone asks you how you're doing and you're really doing fine, then that's terrific!  Go with that answer then.  But "fine" seem like a really quick answer without letting us know how the person is really feeling in general, how they're doing in their lives and what they're thinking.  "Fine" might mean, 

• "Oh, I lost my job but I'm sure I'll find another one soon."
• "Just got divorced last month but life will go on.  I still have my kids and my job!"
• "I'm tired from working so much and still need to catch up on some sleep but I'll manage."
• "My daughter got sick with the flu and I had to stay home from work to care for her but I'll catch up when I get back to work on Monday."
• "I have too much on my plate but there's nothing anyone else can do.  It'll be fine."

Ok, what's wrong with those statements?  At the beginning, someone's complaining then they say something positive like, "that's ok, I still have my job" or "it'll be fine, I can manage."  It's great that people have such positive attitudes but it doesn't take away that those everyday situations are stressful.  Everything eventually begin to build up until it becomes too much, leading to anxiety or depression if the person doesn't cope very well.  So people will say "fine" when they're unhappy or stressed because they believe at the end, everything will work out "fine."  They might say "fine" because they don't have the energy to talk about what's bothering them or because they don't want to burden anyone.  Some people might give highlights of their day or little details but not enough to give us an idea of the person's mood or ways of thinking.

So..... when someone's saying, "fine" and then saying something slightly negative like, "at least I have my health," "it'll work out someday" or even "it's been rough but I'm going to be fine," take heed.  That latter statement is probably the most dangerous one to say because it could mean the person knows how they they're going to be fine after they have some kind of plan to finally reduce or end their pain and that plan just may not be a good one for the rest of us!  

Creating Deeper Connections: Listening With Empathy & Understanding

When it comes to connecting with others, we need to connect more than just "how are you doing?"  It's a simple question that may not elicit a full answer or give us concrete idea of the person's state of mind.  If they say, "fine" or "good," it's time to dig deeper!  Get to know the person's real mood, their state of mind and what they've been up to in general and practice active listening.  If they don't give full answers, that's ok.  Don't push them too hard!  People need to process their own feelings and thoughts on their own time.  Some will give more, some will give less.  Just allow them time and let them know you care and that you're available and you won't judge them (really, don't judge them!  Do make the time to make them feel like you're available and present).  Whatever they have to say, listen and:

• Be active in listening.  Make sure you understand what they're saying, don't interrupt at any time and don't get distracted when they're talking like watching TV or looking at your phone or the time.
• Believe what they say.  Maybe some people will overexaggerate or overdramatize but even if they do, they still need you to listen.  
• Don't downplay their feelings, even if you don't understand or resonate with them.  They need empathy, not criticism or judgement.
• Help them the best you can.  If you don't know how to help or if you're not sure you're able to, direct them to the right person or place that may be of better assistance.
• Make sure you find time to listen to them and show that you're there and you care.  Don't roll your eyes and think, "Oh, I don't have time for this."  This is about them, not you.
• Be honest (but not too honest!)

People with mental illnesses need to be heard, despite those stigmas we see all the time.  They need better mental healthcare.  But whatever needs to be done, we need to do it with an open mind, open heart, time with others and without judgement.  Stop the fear of mental illnesses by understanding or empathizing with people who are struggling and being more open to discussing mental illnesses with others.  More discussions and awareness could be utilized to combat mental illnesses.  You may not have depression or anxiety but they still need our understanding.  When people are diabetic or have cancer, they need treatments.  Having a mental illness is no exception. 

We'll never know for sure what they were thinking but the lives of tWitch and others who are struggling or did struggle need to be remembered if we're going to save more lives and conquer the problem of our mental health system and end the silence pain of mental illnesses.

Finding Unexpected Joy in Christmas Movies: "Love Actually" 20 Years Later

 Tis the Season!  Christmas lights are up, the Christmas tree is up and lit, Santa Claus is on his way, malls are getting crowded, people are shopping online, people are playing Christmas music and going to Christmas displays, people are decorating their houses and people are feeling the jolly feeling of Christmas full of joy, love and sharing.  People have their own ways of spending the holiday by doing all of those, having Christmas parties or just simply spreading love like sending gifts and Christmas cards and even helping those who are less fortunate than us and those who can't spend Christmas with their loved ones far away.

However, there is one thing I love to do during all the month of December until Christmas Day -- watch Christmas movies!  I love all the old classic movies that came when I was growing up like "Home Alone", "Home Alone 2: Lost In New York", "The Christmas Story", "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" and "Elf."  I've always had a love for comedy movies and dramas and the feeling of nostalgia.  That's why I don't care to watch many Christmas TV movies like those you watch on the Hallmark channel.  For me, that channel is all about romance and love.  I don't get all the hype of watching a lot of romantic movies unless you're a hopeless romantic, hurting from a broken relationship or love is in the air for you.

Speaking of romance, how do I feel about romantic movies in general?  Overdone and overrated!  I don't know how people can watch so many of it.  Man loves woman.  Woman loves a man and will do whatever it takes to get his attention.  Man cheats on woman then the woman gets mad and wants revenge or divorce or whatever.  It's already done.  I'm over it.  Even if it's Christmastime, I'm not a fan of romantic movies during the holiday or at any time.  However, I watched "Love Actually" recently.  I saw it for the very first time years ago and I was not into it.  Perhaps I wasn't into a lot of things at the time.  I didn't think the movie discussed Christmas enough even though it was Christmastime.  I love movies that actually discuss Christmas-related topics like going Christmas shopping, going on Christmas vacations, spending time with loved ones for Christmas, Santa Claus, lights, music etc.... That's all the reason why I love to watch the classic movies.  Plus, there are lines and popular scenes that many people and I remember to this day from those movies like "Elf" and "Home Alone."  

This year, "Love Actually" is 20 years so so it seems appropriate to discuss it now with the holidays underway.  In "Love Actually," I hardly think there are any memorable lines or scenes for me, except when Hugh Grant came downstairs, dancing.  There are a lot of scenes of romance in the movies and even sex (keep in mind the movie is "R" rated, for those who have children!).  Not my cup of tea.  So normally, I'd wouldn't be interested in watching a movie like this again.  However, I find this movie different for me and I would watch it again.  

First of all, I'm a huge fan of British TV, especially comedy ones.  "Keeping Up Appearances" and "My Family" are just two of my favorite British comedy shows.  If you've seen "My Family," you'll recognized one of the characters from "Love Actually," Kris Marshall.  Kris plays "Nick" in "My Family" and is my absolute favorite!  I stumbled onto "Love Actually" earlier today and he was the first face I saw so I kept watching before I was ready to change the channels because I knew this movie was a romance.  I'm glad I did stay with this movie because I saw a lot of other familiar faces like Colin Firth ("The Secret Garden"), Alan Rickman and Emma Thomspon (both from the "Harry Potter" franchise), Rowan Atkinson ("Mr. Bean"), Hugh Grant ("Nine Months") and Liam Neeson ("Suspect").

So the familiarity of those faces captivated my interest at the beginning when I re-watched the movie.  As the movie kept playing, I'm almost forgetting I'm watching a Christmas movie because of all the storylines you see here, containing so much romance, close friendships, self-discovery" and pain.  Sometimes, I'm thinking "why is this a Christmas movie?" when the movie talks about people falling in love with each other and we don't see as many elements of Christmas as we've seen in other classic Christmas movies?  

Maybe this movie didn't intend to give us the same feeling of Christmas like those classic Christmas movies but regardless, I still love this movie because it's around Christmas time, I love the British atmosphere with the accents, the setting and the dry humor.  It's too bad the movie had to consist of adult-themed situations like scenes of sex and the foul language because without those, I think the movie could've been rated "PG" as "PG" movies, to me, gives me a good feeling.  That's one of the things Christmas is about.  Joy and having good feelings.  At the beginning of the movie, there are shots from the airport with the narrator explaining about loving others, regardless of who you are.  He states that "love actually" is all around.  It's all around the world but we don't see more of it as we'd like because it's not seen as much in the news or social media.  

International airports are probably some of the best places to see a lot of love from people, especially from those from all over the world when they greet each other after arrival with love, regardless of who they are and regardless of how they know each other.  People greet each other after departing for a short period of time, sometimes a very long period of time and you see nothing but love between them.  At the end, after the characters struggle to find the right person or the person meant for them during the movie, they're all at the airport greeting and loving each other one month later.  I thought the scene of the young boy, Sam, going after the girl he loved at the airport with his "father's" help was a pretty nice touch!  Colin (Kris Marshall) apparently has the idea to fall in love not in Britain but in the States.  Like I said, love is all around the world!

That's when it hit me and I get why it's a perfect Christmas movie.  Christmas shouldn't be all about decorations, making hundreds of Christmas cookies, buying as many Christmas gifts and spending as much money as you can or going to all the kids' Christmas plays.  Those are great ways to get that festive and joyous feeling because that's what Christmas is about.  A joyous feeling, especially once a year.  It should be about sharing, loving and thinking of others rather than ourselves.  This is something we should be doing year-round but it's unfortunate that many people show this much love and giving only around Christmastime.  

The characters from "Love Actually" show they are relatable and that love doesn't have to be romance and sex.  It can occur between friends and acquaintances.  Christmas is really about people and being real with each other through love and sharing, whether it's between family, friends or even strangers from all over the globe.