Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities

The word, "Neurodiversity" isn't in our everyday vocabulary, is it?  I don't hear it so often but once I knew what it meant, it probably became one of my favorite words recently.  Neurodiversity is the viewpoint or perception that our ways of thinking are normal, not strange, unusual or a subject of irregularity.  We all think differently about things, people and different topics in life.  Yet, we hear each other saying what they think and we think that they're wrong or they're doing something wrong or we think our opinions are better than others.  We think we know better than others.  We think we know what others need or want.  In life, we think there's always a right or wrong answer.  

When it comes to having a disability, it's so easy for people to think they know what people with disabilities want or need so they decide for us what it is.  They think they know what we're capable of and not capable of.  They think they know what we're thinking and what we're feeling.  They believe they got it all figured out!  People see us sitting down in wheelchairs, using sign language, using a cane while walking or having difficulties with picking up a spoon while eating. Suddenly, we're invalids.  Then people see a person in a wheelchair going up a hill or putting their wheelchair in the backseat of the car and say, "Whoops!  Somebody in a wheelchair needs help.  Gotta go!" then run over and start helping them but without permission from the person who is in the wheelchair.  That person "helping" thinks the person with the wheelchair is so incompetent that they don't have the ability to do things on their own, not even ask for help.  So they think they need to go over there and start helping.  

People with disabilities do not need help with everything and may not need as much help as we think.  When someone sees a person with a disability, people think it's their jobs to help or do things for them, speak up for them or tell them something that's very obvious (you just finished frying eggs and then say, "be careful around the stove, it's still hot."  Well, duh!  Like we don't know stoves are hot for a while after being used recently like we all learned in Kindergarten!).  

I have multiple disabilities and I experience this a lot.  I get told the obvious things a lot as if I'm blind (I'm not) or incompetent (not that, either!).  Because of stereotypes and because some people don't have disabilities, some of those who live without disabilities do not understand that those who live with a disability think as themselves as people and don't let their disabilities define them.  I never let mine define me.  I go on living my life, enjoying it without worrying so much about what I can't do.  I focus on what I CAN do!  Unfortunately, I've been confronted by people who only focus on what I can't do and that I can't think, rather than what I can do and that I have the ability to think and process information.

This happens because of stereotypes or comments about people with disabilities and people believe them.  Read up on the other part of this blog debunking 10 stereotypes and misconceptions about individuals with various disabilities.

Challenging Stereotypes and Embracing Neurodiversity

Click on photo to enlarge and read the captions.

Instead of embracing stereotypes, embrace neurodiversity.  People with and without disabilities aren't always going to do what you expected and that's ok!  Because of the stereotypes about people with disabilities, some people assume they know how their minds work and they believe they know what people with disabilities need or want and they think they know better.

So they go ahead and push a person in a wheelchair up the ramp because they believe people in wheelchairs are weak and don't know how to ask for help or didn't think to, they shout at deaf people because they believe deaf people will hear them and not be annoyed by the yelling and they point out the most obvious thing or direct them to do things to people with learning disabilities because they believe people with learning or intellectual disabilities are stupid, slow or confused.  

While it may be true that people with learning or intellectual disabilities process information differently, it doesn't mean they're incompetent because they're doing something unexpected or they weren't doing what was expected.  For example, when I'm out in public with people and I happen to be looking at something interesting while everyone else is ready to move on, I get singled out and told "come on, let's go" when there is someone else in the group who have done the same thing but didn't get told to get a move on.  It's like they think I'm not paying attention to the rest of the group or my surroundings or I'm not allowed to take an extra minute to appreciate something that interests me or just take my time.  

Thanks to the stereotypes, people think if someone like me make mistakes, do something risky or do or say something unexpected, it's automatically because of our disability.  So someone will feel the need to correct or "fix" them or even help them without permission.  We're not broken!  People with disabilities, whether they're deaf, blind, in wheelchairs or mentally challenged, are not broken people that require correction or being fixed.  Being a person with a disability just means they're different and they do things differently and that's not a bad thing.  People could learn something new from people like me like empathy, patient, keeping an open mind and letting go of control over how people act or think.

Celebrating Neurodiversity!

Neurodiversity is all about people thinking differently from each other without being accused of having a defect or disorder.  It's about letting go of control over how people act or behave and just worrying about how you react to those who think or act differently from you.  It's also about letting go of societal norms.  The world is changing all the time and many people have difficulties adjusting to the change, trying to hold onto the societal norms, even stereotypes because so many people don't know how to respond to something that's so different to them.  

While neurodiversity focuses primarily on neurological differences and addresses those with autism and ADHD and mental conditions, for example, neurodiversity can be applied to other aspects of diversity like minority groups and certain communities such as people with non-cognitive disabilities, black people, the LGBTQ community and socioeconomic individuals.  

Because we all come from different backgrounds, cultures and have various beliefs and values and even different brains and bodies, we all think differently and that's ok!  It's ok to not have the same beliefs, opinions or values.  That's the beauty of cultivating compassion and empathy!  We don't have to agree on the same things and we can just drop our egos and agree to disagree in order to be more civil and compassionate with others.  We can even learn from each other and ask  how we make our own choices instead of making assumptions.  By making assumptions, you're closing the doors to learning something new, forming new beliefs and relationships that may be beneficial for you.  

By learning about others and their actions, we become more empathic, patient, non-judgmental and loving to others.  Eventually, we'll live happier lives without barriers.  No more of others telling us what to do, what to say, how to do something, we become more educated when we communicate with each other and learn why we do what we do, have more access to other communities, workplaces, education and healthcare and we have less misunderstanding, misjudgments, inequality, tension and social conflicts with our loved ones, peers, colleagues and everyone else in all our communities.  

Note: This is an important blog and I thank everyone for reading.  Please let me know what you think in the comment section and if you liked this blog or it resonates with you, please feel free to share and comment!

Debunking 10 Stereotypes and Misconceptions About People With Disabilities

Smash Those Stereotypes!

This is part of an original blog, "Respecting Neurodiversity: Valuing The Unique Abilities Of People With Disabilities".

1.  "People in wheelchairs always need help with things and need others to think or do things for them."

Yes, I might need help with things but it's not okay to assume I always need help.  Ask me first if I need help.  If I say, "no, thank you," respect that and walk away, even if it looks like I need help or someone else tells you I need help.  I'm the only person who knows what I'm capable of as I'm the only person holding my brain in my head and I'm the only person who has access to the information that my brain is giving me.  We can't read each other's minds.  I do not want others to think or do things for me or assume that I'm not capable of thinking or doing more things than you think.  That's pretty insulting and it undermines my capabilities as a person with a disability.  

In college, I would carry my trays in the cafeteria, which I'm capable of doing on my own.  The workers saw me, assumed I needed help and would start taking my tray over to a table without my permission.  I'd keep saying, "no, thank you" and explain I'm capable of carrying my own trays.  I kept doing this to different workers and I finally got fed up and complained to the manager.  The manager caught a worker trying to help again and the manager told him to stop.  The worker just argued, "but she can't push herself while carrying the tray!"  He wasn't keeping an open mind by seeing that it is possible and he assumed I was incapable of asking for help.  By the way, I'm happy to report that I never dropped a tray once!    

It's great that you want to help people and be polite.  It's ok to open doors for people or pick something up for someone when they drop it.  It's just not okay to assume people can't do certain things because of their disabilities or assume they're incapable of seeking assistance.  People with disabilities deserve respect and dignity and to be treated like you.  Treat them like you want to be treated.

2.  "Wow! I didn't know a person in a wheelchair could push themselves around all day, they must have strong arms!"

My arms are like anyone's legs that can move and walk themselves.  Do you tell someone you're impressed when you see them walking around with their legs all day as if seeing them walk around is new?  So next time you want to tell me how impressed you are for pushing around in my chair all day, stop yourself and just change the subject or don't say anything. 

3.  "People with disabilities need/want pity and are non-sexual, incapable of any loving relationships."

I actually pity those who think I need or want pity.  People with disabilities do many things most people do but differently.  Even people without disabilities do things differently!  We don't need or want your pity.

If you find a person with a disability who is still a virgin or isn't in a relationship, it's very likely it was their choice, not because they're incapable of having a loving relationship.  There are well-known people with disabilities who have married and/or have children.  Blind singer Stevie Wonder has been married 3 times and have 9 kids.  Sylvester Stallone has a speech impediment but he also married 3 times and fathered 5 children.  Tom Cruise has dyslexia but married 3 times and has 3 children.  Deaf actress Marlee Matlin has been married for about 30 years and has 4 children.

4.  "People who are disabled are weak and sick and need us to protect them from everything."

People with disabilities are often perceived as weak or in constant need of protection.  With health issues we face, many lead fulfilling lives like living with families and spending time with people, working, driving and studying independently.  The misconception that we require excessive protection can undermine our autonomy.

Respecting individuals with disabilities means acknowledging their choices and allowing them the freedom to make informed decisions, even if they may be poor decisions.  Like anyone else, we have the right to make mistakes and learn from them, unless we're medically or legally declared incompetent.  It's unfair to treat us differently in this regard.  Treating us differently like this just takes away our independence, freedom, choices, autonomy and humanness.  That's more than enough for us as the world already does this with discrimination and inequality.

Excessive protection, even if well-intended, can lead to resentment, estrangement and hinder healthy dynamics between families and other loved ones.  Practicing self-control and respecting our autonomy is crucial.  Instead of making assumptions, try to understand the reasons behind our choices.  Embrace neurodiversity!

Everyone makes mistakes and even people with disabilities are allowed that.  The only exception is if they're declared incompetent.  It is imperative to kind in mind that a disability does not define a person's competence or ability to learn from their mistakes.  Making mistakes is a normal part of life and learning and it applies to every human being, regardless of their abilities and disabilities.  People with and without disabilities need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.  Rather than overprotect, foster an environment with open communication and understanding.  Encourage civilized conversations and find common ground for decision-making.  Nobody is perfect, and empathy does go a long way.

Kind in mind that people without disabilities also make poor decisions like eating nothing but junk, overspending on entertainment and luxuries, speeding over the limit on the road and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day and they're allowed as well.  When was the last time you went through a few months without making mistakes or making poor decisions?  Before judging anyone, ask yourself if you're perfect.

5.  "People with disabilities cannot work."

Because of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, people cannot be discriminated from working because of a disability.  Employers are required by law to make reasonable accommodations so that a person with a disability is able to work.  If an employee is able to work with those accommodations, they can work.

6.  "Deaf people cannot drive."

I suppose this is the reason why some people think it's okay mess with their phone, the map, radio or something else while driving.  They can hear so why watch the road, right?  All they got to do is listen for someone else to blow their horns and everything's cool, right?  Wrong!  First of all, this is not to say you should not use your hearing or even depend on it when you're driving.  Everyone should use all their senses to protect themselves and that includes being on the road.  

When you lose one of your senses, your other senses are enhanced.  For example, deaf people tend to have better peripheral vision.  Deaf people obviously cannot use their ears so they must be more alert when watching the road, using their eyes.  In other words, deaf people pay more attention to the road and their surroundings visually and are less distracted when driving.  Hard to believe?  Find out here!

7.  "All deaf people need you to shout so they can hear you."

I cannot tell you how annoying this is!  First of all, no, deaf people do not need you to shout.  In fact, it is not advisable for you to raise your voice loudly at a deaf person when talking to them.  For anyone who can hear at all, you shouldn't be yelling at them because it's annoying.  I know this because while I have a hearing loss, I hear enough that I can tell when you're screaming at me and it's annoying!  If the person is profoundly deaf, it won't help and you're just straining your voice for nothing.  

When speaking to someone like me, speak clearly and not too quickly.  If I need clarification or don't understand something, I'll tell you.  Shouting won't help.  Some deaf/hard of hearing individuals can hear well but struggle with understanding what people are saying.  I can hear people's voices but I can't always understand the words, making it feel like someone is speaking in another language.  So when talking to a deaf/hard of hearing person, speak normally and clearly, avoid moving around when talking, maintain eye contact and minimize background noise.  

Oh, and a pet peeve of mine?  When I'm trying to have a conversation with someone with a sign language interpreter present and the person turns to the interpreter and says to them, "tell her...."  When you do this, you're engaging with the interpreter and not including me in the conversation.  That's just rude and insulting, just like it's rude to talk to only the person accompanying the person in a wheelchair when you're actually dealing with the person in the wheelchair.  It makes it seem like the person who is deaf or in the wheelchair is invisible and when it happens to me, I feel like you're not interested in engaging with me.

8.  "People with learning disabilities cannot learn how to drive."

Learning how to drive requires physical and mental skills, good reflexes and multitasking and the ability to drive without so much fear and anxiety.  People with learning disabilities may struggle with multitasking, focusing on the road and processing information at a quicker rate.  Quick response time is crucial while driving.  Learning disabilities vary, with some people have difficulties with reading while being great problem solvers while some other have trouble with math but do great with reading and writing.  Having a learning disability doesn't mean you're dumb or slow as a person.  It just means the brain processes information differently.  

This is why conversations with many people involved is difficult for some with learning disabilities, combined with another disability like being deaf.  Once Person A is done talking and if Person B starts talking right away, I'm still processing what Person A's point is.  This is often a struggle when it's a group of people I'm involved in.  Then there's overlapping conversations as well and it's hard to extract what one person is saying and process it when there's a lot of background noise or conversations going on.  It's like going into a very crowded place and trying to catch and keep up with one person's comments.

Fortunately, there are many ways to help improve understanding, memory and reflexes etc.. so people with learning disabilities can still learn how to drive.

9.  "People with learning disabilities need us to explain everything in minor specific details and they need us to point out everything to them like they're 5 years old."

While it's important to break down complex information for better understanding, it is not acceptable to patronize individuals with learning disabilities by treating them like children or assuming their incapability to grasp concepts.  Well-intended loved ones, guardians and peers should refrain from constantly stating the obvious ("It's gray and cloudy, think it's time to come inside as it may rain!") or explaining things as if they're addressing a child.  People with learning disabilities often possess common knowledge, just like people without learning disabilities such as a hot stove or interpreting gray, cloudy skies as potential rain.  

It's okay to warn people of danger not obvious to most people but if it's common knowledge, such a warning or pointing out conspicuous things like a hot stove or cloudy skies is really unnecessary and it can be off-putting.  By respecting them as adults (unless they're actually children) and acknowledging their abilities, individuals with learning disabilities will feel more valued and appreciated.

I personally find it condescending when someone tells me something or how to act in a way as if I'm incompetent or naive.  That is especially when I'm the only one who gets this treatment while everyone else in the room gets to do whatever they please.  I've been told what to post or not post on social media and the same with texting when no one else has because they assumed my disabilities caused me to know nothing about social etiquette, especially with netiquette in today's world and that's hurtful.  It's disheartening that people want to control what people with disabilities do because they think they can.  And to think this happens to me while almost everyone else without disabilities are still messing with their phones while at the table during mealtimes or during quality time with others.

Another situation I'd find annoying is when I'm out with a group of people and I'm taking a moment to savor something interesting to me but the rest of the group is ready to get a move on and they tell me, "come on, let's go" as if I'm not allowed to savor or I'm not paying attention to the group.  Maybe they assumed I wasn't paying attention and that may be the case but it's obviously relevant to my disability.  This would happen when another person who doesn't have a disability is also being behind but it's ok with the rest of the group for that person to savor the moment or not pay attention.  When I'm not doing something as expected, it's automatically assumed it's because I have a disability and it's quite dehumanizing.   

I might make mistakes but I'm not perfect.  Neither is anyone who doesn't have a disability.  I do wish people who treat me in such a way would look at the mirror and ask themselves, "are you perfect?" and also slow down, stop and ask themselves why they they treat me the way they do.  Would they treat me this way if I didn't have a disability?  Highly doubtful.  Because of my disabilities, some people make assumptions about me, often even before I do or say anything and that is not a good feeling at all.  

10.  "People with disabilities, regardless of what kind of disabilities, cannot live independently."

Living independently doesn't come easily for anyone but for people with any disabilities, it is a real challenge.  While most people with disabilities can't do everything a lot of people without disabilities can, living independently is possible.  When you have a disability, it does affect some of the things you're capable or not capable of doing.  There are a lot of people with disabilities who do not have jobs so they need a way to live financially.  People in wheelchairs need a way to get around town to buy groceries, get medication or money from the bank and other essentials but they don't drive.  Without the help of assistive devices, deaf people can't know when their phone is ringing or someone is at the door.  There are many services provided by the local/state government in America and independent living centers around the country that can help people with disabilities have access to public transportation, assistive technology, employment, healthcare and personal assistance. 

If you wish to refer back to the original blog, please click/tap here.