When you see me.... don't quickly assume that I need help.
When you see me.... don't say you're impressed with how strong I am, pushing around all day or comment on how low I am in my chair.
When you see me.... don't feel the need to ask if I am ok.
When you see me... don't shout.
When you see me.... don't get up close to my face and speak at a very slow speed.
When you see me... see me as a person, who happens to be sitting down and who happens to hear less than many people.
No matter what you see or what you may have learned about me, I am still a person like you. I still have feelings, emotions, a beating heart, mind and soul, just like you. I can still speak words, feel emotions and think thoughts.
I may not be exactly like you but I am still a human being. We all may have different thoughts, feelings and opinions but it doesn't make us less of a person. I still live to smile, laugh, think, feel, cry, get angry, eat and drink, play, work and interact with everything and human beings in the world.
When you see me, you may see a wheelchair.
If you're a doctor, you may see a broken leg.
If you're a teacher, you may see my grades.
If you're some other professional serving the public such as an attorney, counselor or clerk, you may see my needs for your service.
Is that all you see? Just a wheelchair? Just a broken leg or clogged arteries that need unclogging? Just my grades and scores that tell you how smart I am or whether I will graduate? Just some papers in my hands for filing or payment?
What about who I am as a person? Do you think about who you see when you see a wheelchair, when you see me trying to hear you, when you see a disease in my body, when you see me enter your classroom or workshop or when you see me come to you for your service?
This isn't just about me. It's not even about people with disabilities. It's about all people who aren't always treated as human beings. Doctors walk into an exam room to see you, they ask you medical questions, examine you, run tests then leave out the door. Teachers walk into the classroom and teach you, grade you and give you homework and tests then go home back to their lives. Store clerks assist you with something, take your payment, bag your items then move onto the next customer. Lawyers, repairmen, coaches and counselors provide you with their service and move on to the next person.
People who see you with a disability can see you have a wheelchair, a cane, scooter, a speech impediment or the way you walk because you have brain injury or cerebral palsy and all they think about is how you live your life with your disability and wonder if you need help or what they can do to help. What about that person's personalities? What about their abilities rather than disabilities? What about what this person likes to do in their spare time, what they do for a living, what they think about others and everything going on around them? What about their interests, beliefs or values?
You see a person walking past you. Other than what you see, what do you know about them? What are their moods at the moment? What are they struggling with these days? What is making them content today? What happened to them in the past that made them who they are right now?
Imagine stepping on a subway in New York City. Look around you and see all the people sitting and standing. You see people standing or sitting alone or with their families, friends, significant others and colleagues. There are a variety of people: young, old, children, babies, maybe a couple of people in wheelchairs, people conversing in Spanish or German, black people, Asian people, white people and people who wear unusual clothing, suits and ties, bright and loud clothing and just plain clothes.
You see a couple sitting down together across from you. The woman thinks everything in the relationship is going well but the man is secretly attracted to another woman from work. Nevertheless, they're still looking at each other and smiling as if they've been in love for years. On your left just a few feet down standing up is a middle-aged woman holding onto one of the straphangers. She looks completely healthy but she may be hanging on to keep from collapsing, not only because the subway is moving but because she is tired from a round of chemotherapy she just had to treat her breast cancer. On your right is a young man, looking out the window and while it looks like he's admiring the sunset over the New York Harbor, his eyes are actually glued on the Statue of Liberty. You'd think he'd appreciate looking at such a historical but beautiful American sculpture but in reality, he is looking at the statue as he is thinking about a notification he received the day before from an immigration court, informing him that he has been deported back to his country in Israel. Next to him is a group of teen girls giggling at one of their phones. It appeared they were looking at some funny photo or text but they were actually excited when a boy in their class asked one of the girls out on a date. Right behind you has been very quiet for the past 10 minutes then suddenly, a mother and a four-year-old boy steps on after the subway made a stop and the young boy is screaming, kicking and thrashing around. Other passengers keep looking at him, wondering why the mother hasn't been able to control such a temperamental child but as you overhear the mother, you hear her tell her little boy calmly that she knows he hates subways and they will be at a place that you recognized very soon. The place they are trying to get to is a therapy center for autistic children.
When you see everyone around you, all you see is a head and a body wearing clothes. All you see is a person with a service animal, a wheelchair or you see somebody who chew gum while walking down the street or you see them carrying two bags of who knows what. When you let someone step in your office or class at work, you just see their reason why they're there. Who are they? Can you tell what they're going through just by looking at them?
If we all try to make the effort and slow down and try to know the people that we meet, we can connect more, make no judgement about others and get along better. On the internet, whether you're going in a chat room or message board, you don't see their faces. So everyone's anonymous and that allows everyone in the world to create their own "alter egos." Therefore, you meet a lot of fake people and people end up not getting along because a lot of people aren't being their true selves. It's hard to connect when you don't know who you're connecting with. It's a lot harder to trust them. People start judging everyone because no one knows who they're really talking to.
I personally prefer people to get to know me for who I am, not what I use to get through life. I want people to get to know me because that makes me human and when I feel like I'm being treated like a human being, I trust people to treat me with dignity, respect, care, love and like I belong with the rest of the world... even though I may be different. Heck, everyone is different!
I would even love it if professionals who serve us (doctors, clerks, counselors, teachers etc...) would get to know us so they know our values and needs and so they can serve us better and make us feel like human beings and not just paychecks. Treating others like humans gain our trust and respect and trust is what professionals like doctors and teachers need from us to serve us better. Trust is what allows us to connect and if we connect, we become better people. If you treat me and everyone else like we're humans and not anything else, a lot is gained!
I'm not saying you have to sit down and chat with me all day or ask me a ton of questions! In fact, I'd prefer that you didn't bombard me with personal questions regarding my disability unless you want to know medically, what it means and how it affects me in the world. Of course I want you to care that I have a disability. Just don't make a huge deal out of it! So instead of asking me if I need help or a push, just ask me what you'd ask a person without a disability like, "how are you?" or 'how is your day going so far?". Instead of commenting how strong I am or how low I am sitting, just either comment on what a beautiful day it is or how fortunate we are to be able to experience the new things in life.
Next time you see someone, just make small talk, no matter what you see with your eyes. Just look past what you're seeing, get to know them, ask them questions and ask how they're doing in general to let them know you care about them as human beings.
When you see me (or others)... look past what your eyes are telling you about how we look, our health, religions, money, goals and just get to know us. We're all busy or just not interested so many of us don't do that. It is understandable that people at work are busy and have many people to see and people at home or other places have something important to do. Just small talk is ok and good enough, even if it's just for a couple of minutes while you're doing something else! I just want to know that you actually care. If you care and don't judge, others will care about you too and will connect without judging you and trust you. They will treat you like you're a real person. After all, we are all humans!
